a better version of me

Change is happening all around. I can see it, and I can feel it, but it's not happening in the way I expected. Fall is usually magical and wonderful for me, but right now I just feel tired, pressured, like life is passing me by, and trapped in a job I hate. I feel the magic when I am in class or at my internship, but my job is stifling me.

I miss Marcus. Or rather, I don't miss Marcus, but I miss the semblance of a fall relationship, my favorite kind. I hate being alone. Although, I would rather be alone than in a relationship that makes me unhappy (Caleb).

Change is coming for Dana in an unexpected way, as well. It's not shaping up to be the time we expected.

I'm getting fat, and I don't know how to stop it. Or am I? Maybe it's just all in my head, as per usual. I don't think it is this time, though. I feel like a cow.

I want so much. Maybe too much.