Some people should not own pets.

I could just scream. My mom and brother are loading the car because we are going on a super-fun-filled family vacation tomorrow, and they leave the door open. Open. We have three dogs. And they leave the door open.

Because, you know, it's not like Phoebe has ever gotten out before. How were they to know that it would be hours before we caught her, because she isn't trained, and he never walks her, so when she gets outside she just runs and runs. So I go downstairs, and Chris is just loading the car.... "She'll come back," he says.

Because, it's not like she ever bitten a dog, and animal control was certainly never called, and we definitely haven't had a dog at large ticket.

So whatever. He loads the car, giving "constructive criticism" as my mom and I get in my car to go look for her. You know what? If you aren't going to help? Shut up.

We drive around forever, before coming back home, and the whole time my mom is bitching about how if she gets another ticket for Phoebe we are getting rid of her. This makes me angry, because every time Phoebe gets out, I am the one who follows her for hours, making sure she doesn't get into trouble, until she decides to come home, and all I ever hear is how I don't love her. These people are mind-numbingly stupid. So I tell Chris what my mom has said, and told him that if I pay her next ticket, she is no longer his dog, because he's not irresponsible enough to keep her, and she will come with me when I move. He has a total fit, and stomps upstairs to get his shoes to go look for her.

Finally.

I can hear all of this going on outside, and I may have to leave the house for a bit, because I can't stand worrying. Except he'll probably give up and come back home.

I'm talking to my mom about how this frustrates me, and how I'm tired of being the one who goes and gets her, and all of a sudden she's done talking about it. She tells me to quit nagging.

Well. If you stupid people didn't let the dog out all the fucking time because you are retarded, then I would not have to chase her down for you, and I wouldn't be annoyed. And they roll their eyes when I tell them I'm tired of this, but the one time I wasn't home and she got out, they let her run around, and she bit the neighbors dog. Animal control was called. Neighbors hate us.

They wouldn't hate us if you shut the damn door when you went outside so the dogs couldn't get out.

I hate people. Especially stupid ones.

And what the hell is with everyone I know not answering their phones? Well fine, I don't want to talk to you all either.

Worst Day Ever.

I went in to get my emissions test done today so that I could get my new tabs, and I failed. I had a feeling I would. The guy told me that I needed to go to one of their chosen car fixing places and have some guy look at my car and fix whatever is wrong. I drove to the Precision Tune in Gig Harbor, and dropped my car off. I had to pay $89 just to have my car looked at, so that sucks. I walked over to the library to wait, and stayed there for about an hour.

The guy from Precision Tune called to tell me all of the 5billion things that suck about my car, and that it was going to cost over $400 to fix it. And I have not slept at all since I woke up yesterday morning. So in my tiredness I started to panic, because I suck at life, and the guy talked me down and came up with a solution. Apparently all of my problems lie with hoses. And one hose in particular had split completely into two pieces, leaking stuff, I guess. So he fixed that, and the total came to just under $200. The good part about this is that since my bill was over $150, this guy says that if I fail my second emissions test, I can get a waiver that is good for two years, and then I will be able to get my tabs. That bad part about this is, now I don't have money to pay for the tabs.

My solution?

Sell my beloved Social Work textbooks that I am no longer using online. It absolutely kills me to do so, and a couple of them I simply could not part with, but hopefully this helps. And hopefully the guy was right, and I get my waiver. Otherwise I may cry.

This is not all that has gone wrong today, just the parts I feel like talking about. I am very stressed about bills, and I had to cancel some upcoming doctor appointments because I can't afford to go. The world sucks, I am tired, and I want my money back.

Fuck.

Also, I just put up my page for my team for the AIDS walk. If anyone wants to donate money to our walk, send me a message, and I'll tell you how to make it happen. You know you want to!

Holy Moly, Man

So I couldn't sleep. I can never sleep. This is not news.

I decided that since I was awake anyway, I would go to the bank. Because seriously, who doesn't do their banking at 2:30 am anyway? But I wanted to get cash for my stupid emissions test tomorrow, and then for the tabs and registration I have to buy afterward. And I always forget the registration people don't take cash, so this time I figured I would be prepared.

Anyway, I'm turning right out of my neighborhood onto Rosedale, and all of a sudden this car starts speeding up behind me, like right behind me. It kinda freaks me out, because I don't like when people get so close, but I figure, whatever, I'll turn into this neighborhood that I drive through, and I won't have to deal with the jerk anymore.

Not so, because the car turns into the neighborhood after me, still driving really freaking close, and flashing his brights repeatedly. Then, as I'm turning this corner they drive so that they are driving next to me on this road, speed up, and drift towards me, before they back off a little, and then they do it again. But they don't pass me, they get behind me again, like right behind me, and keep speeding up and then slowing down. I turned into another not commonly traveled residential area, and they follow me still. I finally lost them at the freeway. But I was super freaked out.

Now hey, maybe they were just being nice. Maybe they wanted to tell me my breaklight is out (It is), or my tires are running low on air, or something equally polite and Good Samaritan-like. But you know what? 2:30 in the morning, driving super aggressively, and following me through two residential neighborhoods is not the time or way to bring that to my attention. I would rather find out later.

Long story short? I no longer do my banking at 2:30 in the morning. Yeah

I am a crafty lady.

Day number one back on my medication. I'm starting on half doses this time, in hopes that my emotional rollercoaster is more like an emotional merry-go-round, or bumper cars, or something equally non-threatening. We shall see. I feel a little bit more pro-active, at least. Hopefully by the end of the week I will feel something more closely resembling normal.

I started reading "Codependent No More" at the request of my therapist. It's kind of an eye-opener. It's certainly made me evaluate whether or not some of my friendships are truly beneficial and neccessary. It's empowering to be able to say, "I'm sorry, this relationship isn't doing anything for me, and I need it to stop." I guess that seems like common sense to most people. But I think it's important that I, as a future therapist, learn that I can't save everyone, and that's okay.

Today my mom and I went to the mall. Some clothing items were purchased for me, for which I am happy. I got two new plain tank tops in pink and white, a white and blue striped tank top that says something about Yosemite on it, and some cropped blue pj pants with white stripes on them. Super cute.

Today's weather is totally wonky. It was supposed to be cold and rainy all day, and instead it's actually quite nice out, and then every so often it rains for like, a minute, and then out comes the sun again. I don't know. It's silly.

I am very much looking forward to my trip to Chelan at the end of the month. I am excited to see my brother, and I am excited to get out of town for a bit. It should be nice.

Finally, the whole reason for this post to begin with, I want to post pictures of my two newest projects! The first is a scarf that I started last fall, and it was a new challenge because it's the first time I've used more than one color yarn in a knitting project. I stopped working on it around Christmas last year, and didn't pick it back up until last week. I wanted to try something new, and since iI'd already done a scarf with fringe before, I decided to try felting it instead. Laini had just checked out a book on felting from the library, so I gave it a whirl, and I am REALLY pleased with how it turned out. Anyway, here is a picture of my newest scarf. I wasn't sure how I felt about the two colors together, but after I felted it I think it turned out really well.



The most recent project I chose to work on is my first ever hat. It turned out decidedly, but delightfully, wonky, and I love it. It was much easier to do than I expected, and it took no time at all to finish. I'm excited to do another one, only I won't be in such a rush to finish this one, now that I know how little time it really takes. I kind of rushed at the end, so the pom-pom, as well as the seam up the back, both leave something to be desired, but overall I love it. For some reason it makes me think of The Life Aquatic. I don't know why. I heart it.

sleep all, sleep all day

Huh. I hate sad. I think it is probably the worsts feeling there is. I particularly hate sad, because for me sad always comes with a faint case of blind panic, pecking around at the edges, trying to push me over. I hate the feeling of not knowing what to do with myself. I hate this fear.

I have been without medication for a little over a week now, and it scares me daily. I am especially upset because today's events took an unexpected turn towards the heartachingly, heartbreakingly bad. I want to cry, but I've run out of stuff to cry with. All I have done today is sleep. I hate sleep, and I love it right now. Right at this moment, sleep is my best friend. When I wake up for real, get out of bed, and put on something that resembles real clothing, then I'll deal with these feelings of fear and anxiety and overwhelming sadness.

What exactly is it about me that makes it so easy for people to walk away? Especially the ones that I care about the most. Why is it so important for you to be my favorite person, if all you want is to break up with me? What is it that is so inherently wrong with me?

Oh well, I'm not quite up to answering these questions yet. I think it's back to bed, and a restless, anxious dream filled sleep. I deal with it all later; I don't have the tools to face the implications of today right now.

WORST FRIEND EVER = Me

I suck at life.

I was supposed to go visit Adina in Bellingham tomorrow. I've been looking forward to it all week. My paycheck was a day shorter than it should have been, and now I can't afford to, and I am so upset.

I cried.

I hate that I suck at money. I wish I had more of it.

I am so broke that I couldn't afford to refill my "crazy pills". Caleb is doing that for me because he's the best. I suck.

Whomp fucking whomp.

Also, my boobs are peeling. Fuck that. Stupid sunburn.

We'll share the shelter of my single bed

The other day I had the most fantastic time. Who else is loving this super warm weather? It really feels like summer, and I'm LOVING IT! I went over to Ryan and Laini's house, because Ryan and Caleb were going to a Mariner's game, and Laini was going to be all by her lonesome. Laini's mom took little Kaleb for the day, so it was just us girls. Ryan and Caleb left after a big BBQ lunch, and then the three of us girls sat around, lazing about for awhile.

Laini and I were both feeling like some retail therapy was in order to bring us out of our left behind bored moods, so we headed off to Target. Laini tried on 5 billion bathing suits, but the one she finally picked was SO cute. I'm kinda jealous. I found a really pretty plum colored jersey dress that is just so lightweight, perfect for this overwhelming heat. We also bought some cute underwear, and then Lilli got a new bathing suit and some new pajamas.

After Target we got some soft serve cones from McDonald's, and some sodas. We drove out to my house so I could get my swim suit, and my mom's iced tea maker. We drove all the way back out to Laini's house, only to realize the pitcher from the iced tea maker was missing, so we had to ice our tea the old fashioned way. We called Laini's mom to see if she could watch Lilli, too, but she wasn't home, so we took Lilli out to my house so my mom could watch her for a couple of hours.

Once we dropped Lilli off, we drove out to Kopachuck, and walked down to the water. We went to this place where Adina, Bird and I had a BBQ once, and it was great fun. We started off just wading, but after awhile we were swimming for real, which I was so in the mood for. The weather was perfect, and the water actually was quite warm. Swimming like that was really reminiscent of when the two of us would dive off the bulkhead of the Fox Island house in highschool. In fact, in keeping with the highschool feel of the moment we were listening to 5ive in the car. It was fantastic.

It finally got cold, so we went out to my house to pick up the baby. My grandma was over there, because Lilli wouldn't stop crying, and my mom called her for help. So funny!

We went back to Laini's, put the baby to bed, and then took our respective showers. We got all dressed up afterwards, in our new dresses, and we lotioned and did Mary Kay microdermabrasion. We ate a FANTASTIC dinner of chicken with cayenne pepper, and some Italian garlic rice, drank some tea and watched Hetty Wainthropp.

The boys finally got home from their game, so excited. Apparently it was Ryan's first Mariners game, and they got really great seats.

I want to go swimming again. I hope it's still warm tomorrow.

Training starts tomorrow. Yes.

Klondike got his shots today. He's super tired now.

This Friday I am going to Bellingham to visit my Adina for the day and night. I can't wait.

I love Seattle.

Today was a FANTASTIC day. I didn't sleep too late, only until 11, which for me is really good, lately. Then when I woke up, showered, etc..., my mom and I went to Lowe's so she could show me her new kitchen stuff. We are completely tearing the whole GD thing out, and REMODELING, let me tell you what. She's also getting rid of the awful flourescent lighting, which makes me supa-happy. I'll post pictures once we're done. You know, right now my house sucks. It's super fucking messy, because we have fiftymillion projects going on at any given moment, but we're making headway, and when we're done my mom is going to have a really pretty house. I'm happy for her.

Afterwards my mom and I went to lunch at Tacos Guaymas, which was nice because I haven't talked to my mom in a long time. It was good conversation.

This afternoon my new laptop case came. Superstoked. The one my mom got me is great for just short distances, like Laini's house, because it's so small, but for school I needed something bigger. I was just carrying too much stuff.

This evening Chris and I went to Seattle to see my dad's new condo. It's really nice. Really nice. It kind of reminds me of my Ohnee's house. There is one thing I don't really like, but it's not a big deal. So the three of us walked to the store, and then we had pizza delivered from Pagliacci's, and then we watched some TV. I kind of force fed them my Putumayo's while we were there, but my dad really liked Music from the Tea Lands. It shows he has good taste!

I'm home now, and done with my final paper for tomorrow. I just have one small extra credit assignment for my Practice class to email by tomorrow night, and then I'm done. For now, though, my wrists hurt, so I shall do it tomorrow.

Good night, all. I am going to watch a movie, and then BED.