I don't believe in the wasting of time, but I don't believe that I'm wasting mine.

I am so caught up with my reading for school that I'm ahead. I love that.

Another work weekend is over and done with, and in all, it was pretty good. A girl I work with slipped in some water and dislocated her knee today. So it wasn't pretty good for her, obviously. She may have to have surgery, or so I heard. It was pretty bad, but she was so stoic about the whole thing as we lifted her off the ground and into a wheelchair. She's my hero. I bet it freaking hurt.

I need to do laundry so bad it sucks. I have two potential outfits for tomorrow swirling around in my brain, but for one the shirt is dirty, and the second involves dirty jeans. Well, neither piece is actually dirty, but they've been worn and not washed. Argh, I hate chores.

Tomorrow is a new day at my internship, and I'm curious to see what it holds. I'm really enjoying learning and applying things in my actual field of choice. I know I am going to like social work, and be good at it, I think.

Okay, I'm craving a Diet Coke. I may have to go buy one. Night, all, and sweet dreams.

I've got a crush on you....

That's right. I have a new crush. Actually, I have two. Well, one of them isn't really new, just reinstated, so to speak. Oh, fuck it. I have two new crushes.

Nothing will ever happen with either one of them, I am sure, but really, that's okay I guess. I mean, aren't crushes kind of supposed to be unrequited?

Sometimes I think I am going to grow old alone and be a crazy cat lady. Minus the cats, because I am allergic.

And then I realize that this will never happen, because if I am still single in my 30s, after grad school, then I am going to adopt children. I definitely want to be a mom someday, and I'm okay with the idea that I might have to find my children, instead of birth them.

And I will always have Klondike, my little puppy love. He's sleeping under my bed right now. I think he likes to sleep under the bed because the world is less overwhelming under there. He's a muffin. I heart him.

I am still amazed at how easy of a time I am having with all of my reading for school. Being on the medication, as scary as it can be, has made such a huge difference on my ability to focus. I am staying on top of the readings really easily this year.

Work was okay today, but I really can't wait until Monday so I can go back to my internship. I am having so much fun! This is definitely what I want to be doing with my life.

a better version of me

Change is happening all around. I can see it, and I can feel it, but it's not happening in the way I expected. Fall is usually magical and wonderful for me, but right now I just feel tired, pressured, like life is passing me by, and trapped in a job I hate. I feel the magic when I am in class or at my internship, but my job is stifling me.

I miss Marcus. Or rather, I don't miss Marcus, but I miss the semblance of a fall relationship, my favorite kind. I hate being alone. Although, I would rather be alone than in a relationship that makes me unhappy (Caleb).

Change is coming for Dana in an unexpected way, as well. It's not shaping up to be the time we expected.

I'm getting fat, and I don't know how to stop it. Or am I? Maybe it's just all in my head, as per usual. I don't think it is this time, though. I feel like a cow.

I want so much. Maybe too much.

huh.

I'm feeling really down tonight. I feel fat. I feel nostalgic. I'm sad that I have to go to work this weekend at a job I hate in order to afford working for free at an internship I love. I am so close to being done, though, and I just have to remember that.

I do feel fat. I feel like I'm gaining weight exponentially, and I don't know how to make it stop, short of going off my meds, which would admittedly be a bad idea. I just don't feel pretty enough.

I'm trying to combat that by wearing my cute little pink and burgundy skirt, which actually doesn't make me feel fat, even though it's short, and my new brown cable knit legwarmers. For no reason, except I can.

I want to take a nap. I took my night time cocktail of medications, and it's wiping me out. I can feel it.

I'm stressed because my mood stabilizer hasn't come in the mail yet, and I only have two left. Yucky feeling. I really hope it comes tomorrow.

I want this icky feeling to go away. I had a good evening tonight with Angela. We had Subway for dinner, and then pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin scones for dessert. It was a good fall meal.

And then I came home, watched Grey's and depressed myself.

i had a friend, once.

I don't anymore. I'm sad about it sometimes, but there is nothing I can do to change that. She thinks I'm selfish. Maybe I am. But the demise of our friendship can not solely be my fault. I just needed to say that.

I'm watching Grey's Anatomy. This show is ridiculous tonight. There are too many changes, and too much unbelievabliity (because doctors at the hospital where I work always perform emergency surgery on deer in the parking lot!), and I'm just not sure how I feel about that. I want to like it. I want it to be the same as always, but it's not. Burke is gone, and Addison is gone, and there are a whole bunch of idotic interns, and I have no one to watch this show with anymore. And that makes me angry. Because I am not the only selfish one.

Fuck it.

Excuse me.

My classes are going to be good, I think. I've been to two of the three, and so far so good. I hadn't realized how much the mood stabilizers would affect my ability to study in a positive way. I have never had such an easy time buckling down and focusing on my reading. It's a very exciting thing. Tomorrow is my research class. That is the class I am really scared about, but we'll see how it goes.

Day two at my internship was very awesome. I got to go out on a visit, which was amazing, and I had a sit down with my practicum instructor and got some of my scary paperwork out of the way. I have an assignment to work on when I go in on Monday, and a clearer idea of my purpose there. I'm also developing relationships with coworkers and clients alike, which is very cool.

I have reading to do. It's gonna be a good quarter. I want to make the Dean's List again!

I love to knit

I do. I just finished knitting Adina's Christmas present, and the yarn I used was just a pleasure. It was so soft, and I love the tension, and the project just flew by. I love watching something come together out of nothing, just take form like that. It's a good feeling.

Today was day one of my internship. I had such a fantastic time. The feeling at the placement site is such a positive one, and I'm really liking the people I am meeting. I got a couple of really good compliments today, two of them from clients, and one from my placement instructor, so that was great. I wish that I could just talk about everything I got to do, but ethically that would be a no no, so instead, just rest assured that I love it. And also my outfit was good. So yeah.

First day of class also, and that was a mixture of fun and stressfull. It was fun because I got to see all of my friends from the program again, and that was great, but it was stressful, because our practicum liason came in and freaked us out with all the paperwork we have to fill out in order to keep up with our internships. Yikes. I should probably get started on that, and I have to write a journal on my first day at my internship, so I can't really blog at length. Not that I can talk about anything I want to talk about anyway. But rest assured I am happy with today. I like my internship more than I like my actual job!

Stolen Moment

I woke up this morning, early, and drove all the way in to UWT, only to realize that classes don't start until tomorrow. I'm an idiot.

So I made my way down to the bookstore to pick up some inexpensive Christmas presents. My goal is to start really early this year, as is evidenced by the fact that I am even looking for Christmas presents before September is even over. I just don't want to be doing the mad dash thing this December. I want to be done before December. Luckily, this year I have less people to shop for. Isn't that terrible?

Anyway, the woman at the bookstore told me if I wait until this Friday I will get a 15% discount, so she put the items on hold for me. Unfortunately, some of my family read this blog, so I can't just type what it is that I am purchasing, or all element of surprise will be lost. But, my dad and both of my brothers have presents on hold at the UWT bookstore. Yay. I wish they made UW Christmas paper. I'm a loser.

I have also purchased a couple of things for my mom already. She is the hardest to shop for because I buy her the most stuff, so it always feels good to pick up items I know she will like early on. Both of her items were on sale, yay, and I really think she'll like them.

Another thing making Christmas presents easier this year is that I am making Dana, Angela and Adina's here at home. I'm getting restless, so I may have to pull out the sewing machine now that the kitchen remodel is done (ah, I need to post pictures!) and start Dana and Angela's gifts. Although, again, I won't be able to post pictures until after the holidays, and that is going to be tough. I am knitting Adina's gift, and should probably start it soon. Luckily, I already have all the materials needed for all three of these girls gifts, so I can start anytime.

Speaking of Angela, she is turning me into a dirty hippie. My biggest want right now? A mooncup. It's better for the environment, it's better for your body, and you save tons of money in the long run. I left my purse in the car, but tonight I think I might buy one when I get home.

Tomorrow is the first day of my internship. I have to be there at 9am, after working until 11pm tonight, so it will be straight to bed for me! I'm nervous, and excited. I have already planned my outfit (because that is obviously the most important part. I'm an idiot.) and I think I have the right level of casual professionalism. Yay. I bought a headband today to go with my outfit. I guess I just have no idea what to expect, so I focus on what I can control. My outfit.

I've already started saving bottles because I want to get started on the bottle tree soon. I am going to be taking a weekend off in October, so I'd like to start then, since I have limited free time now.

let me take you down, 'cause i'm going to strawberry fields

Today has been SO LONG! I woke up at about 8:30, which was probably a half hour later than I should have, but I couldn't sleep last night, so it balanced out to me being TIRED. I was in a hurry to get ready, and my mom said I looked nice, but I was definitely out of place when I got to my placement site. I had forgotten how casual it is there. And I was freezing. So when I go in on Wednesday for my first day, I am dressing differently. Jeans for sure.

I am very excited about my placement. Another guy from school is interning at the same site, and we had orientation together. It was good to see him, and I think it will be nice to get to know him better. It should be good. My site instructor is a really good guy, and the feeling of the site is a really casual, positive one. My hours are going to be all over the place, but I kind of expected that.

I just remembered that I wanted to try and get my birthday off of work. I would hate to have to work that day, because Adina is supposed to come down for it. (I hope she remembers). Not that I have any major plans. Anything I do will be pretty low key. Dinner with my family, and maybe a bar with friends. I'm getting boring in my old age.

I want to make a connection with someone. I don't know who, and I'm not sure how, but I feel as if I am supposed to form a connection with someone new, and I'm just waiting for it.

I need a nap.

Right now I am lying in bed, under the comfy covers, with Northern Exposure in the background, and Klondike curled up next to me, spooning with the back of my knee. I love my puppy. I don't have kids, and while I want some someday, I don't want any in the near future, so Klondike is my baby. And I know that there are mother's out there who get really annoyed when childless people compare their pets to their babies, because I hear it all the time, but I honestly feel that there are two kinds of pet owners out there. There are people for whom a pet is a pet, and you take minimal care of it, and then there are people to whom a pet is another family member. Nobody loves me like my dog. And I love him back.

Tomorrow is the orientation and scheduling thing for my internship. I'm nervous and excited. Because of the nature of my work at placement site, it's not really going to be something that I can write about like I can school, but I am excited to see how it goes. I'm eagerly awaiting my schedule, because I am so stressed when I think of all the free time I won't have, but if I can finalize my schedule, I think I'll feel better.

Gosh Klondike is so cute.

My brother is home from Montana. Apparently he got here with his friend at 5am. I was sleeping peacefully, until he came in at around 10:30 to show me his new tattoo. Since I know he's here I drag my sorry self out of bed so we can visit, but my mom tells me she and him are going out to breakfast alone, and don't wake up the stranger sleeping on the couch.

This annoys me because in an hour I have to leave for work, and they still aren't home.

Oh well, we are going out tonight, so I shouldn't care, but I do. Bah.

Small Joys Friday

I finally remembered to do my small joys Friday on an actual Friday. It's gonna be a good week!

Cheers to responsibility. I had an awesome session with my therapist on Tuesday, and our conversation lit a fire under my bottom to get my stuff together and do all the stuff I had to do. I made a doctor's appointment for early October, because I haven't had a visit in a year and a half. I ironed out all the kinks with my internship instructor at the Rose House, and set up a time to Orient on Monday. Finally, I returned a call from my previous therapist, who wanted to see how I was doing after my meltdown in July. I am efficient and caught up. I love it.

Cheers to new driving experiences! I got my rental car on Tuesday, a Kia Spectra, very nice, with power everything and an automatic transmission. Also, not green, which is a big deal to me, as both of my cars have been the same shade of blah green. I liked it at first, but it's wearing on me now. So the Kia was a nice vacation from my usual driving experience.

Cheers to having my baby back home, almost as good as new! I picked up my Escort today from the auto body shop, and it looks almost better than ever! There is a minor paint job issue on the hood, so I have to go back in on Monday, which is a minor hassle, but overall, the car looks good, and I missed it!

New Student Orientation was rad! I womanned the booth at orientation at UWT on Thursday, and had a great time alternating between meeting new juniors and talking them into joining the Student Social Work Organization, and venturing out to booths for other orgs and signing up for the ones that looked most interesting. Very fun day, with lots of cool UW freebies, which I love.

Third Thursdays! Going to the different museums in Tacoma yesterday with Dana, Drew, Max and Angela was so much fun. And it was FREE! You can't beat that! I would have liked to have gone to the glass museum, but maybe next month.

Across the Universe. Angela and I saw this movie today, and it was so awesome. The music was (duh) amazing, and the cinematography was just gorgeous. I loved it.

I bought my text books! I picked them up today, and have had such fun looking through them. I already did two of the three readings due for my first research class next Friday. I feel so efficient and on top of things. And I really have to impress my research teacher, because he did not like me last time I had him, last fall. But yay! Text books!

Bryan got to Tacoma today and I will see him tomorrow. We are going out after I get off of work. Unless I get cut. Which would be rad. But I probably won't.

I hope everyone out there is having as great a week as I did. Also, my birthday is coming up! I'm almost a quarter of a century old! I have to start party planning....

I'm a brat.

Movies have been found, my room is spotless, and I'm done having a temper tantrum. Where did I find them, you ask?

Inside my mini-fridge. Yeah. I got nothing.

I just finished watching an IMAX: Alaska - Spirit of the Wild DVD, and it was really, really good. It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I want to spend some time working in Alaska after graduation, which is coming up at the end of the year. Adina and I are planning a vacation to Alaska, where we will take the ferry up the inside passage, leaving from Bellingham. I can't wait. I'm so excited, and watching the DVD made it worse. I didn't get to see the very end because the disc kept skipping, but I saw most of it, and it was rad.

Today was Third Thursday in Tacoma, so Dana, Angela and I met Dana's boyfriend Drew and his cousin Max at the Tacoma Art Museum. They had a really awesome exhibit of black and white photographs of the Pacific Northwest, which I loved, and then a quilt exhibit that I thought sucked. I think it's cause my onnie quilts, and her's are so good. I kept looking at these quilts and thinking, Onnie would pwn these bitches! Of course, there was also a ton of Chihuly glass pieces throughout the museum, and those were amazing, as per usual.

After the art museum we went to the history museum, which was my flavorite. I loved it. In honor of the new bridge opening they had this whole exhibit on the three Narrows Bridges that was awesome. The first reason it was awesome was all the information they had about the first bridge, which collapsed a kajillion years ago. They even had video footage of the bridge buckling and twisting in the wind. It was so awesome. The second reason this exhibit rocked was all the stuff they had on the third bridge, which was just finished this summer. It was so cool to see how our present is actually someone else's history. It was rad.

After the museums we went to the Harmon and had some beer and appetizers. It was a good day, and I found myself slipping into my "bag lady" fall wardrobe of skirts paired with leggings paired with tank tops and long sleeved tees. I love fall. Have I mentioned that yet? I LOVE FALL!

Tomorrow Angela and I are going to see Across the Universe, and also my brother is coming to town from Montana. Yay!

black nailpolish doesn't make me emo.

I would love to write an exciting blog about the wonderfully busy day that I had, but right now I am beyond annoyed. All three of my Netflix movies came in the mail yesterday, and my mother insists that she put them on my bed, but I have stripped the bed completely, and the movies are not in or around my bed. I really do not want to have to full on clean my room at ten at night, but I swear, it's looking like it's turning out that way. The most annoying part? I'm the only one looking! I didn't lose the movies, but I'm the one paying for them if they don't turn up. I am so annoyed right now I can't think straight.

I'll write about my good day later. Right now I want to punch someone in the face.

artistic adventure...

I was doing my daily dose of blog reading, and I found this amazing post at the Yarn Harlot's blog. If you scroll all the way down to the bottom there is a picture of a bottle tree, which I pirated and am posting below:

She mentions the history and significance behind the bottle tree in her post, and I love it. I love the idea, and all I can think is what better way to celebrate the change and personal growth as I shed my summer skin and prepare for fall then to create my own bottle tree in my backyard? My mother is going to think I'm crazy. I may need Dana's help. I can't wait.

Sometimes I imagine things were different.

Most of the time I am so happy with the way my life is turning out. For all my complaining about work, I do mostly enjoy my job, and I like the people I work with. I just get so caught up in my anxiety that I tend to forget that other stuff. And I'm really happy about my decision to go into social work. I truly believe it's the right choice for me. I'm curious to see how my internship goes this year. I'm apprehensive, but in a good way, if that makes sense. I can't wait to dive in, and I'm scared all at the same time. I love my friends, I love my family, and overall I am happy.

But sometimes I think about where I thought I would be when I was 24onthevergeof25, and this is not it. So, without further ado, here is what my life would be like if I hadn't veered off onto a completely different course altogether.

Donovan and I had talked about getting married. We wanted to be married on January 13, 2005, because then I would be done with school. So... I would probably be married for almost three years (yikes!), instead of painfully single and negotiating the world that is dating. We wanted several children, so I would probably have at least one kid already. We would (duh) have our own home, instead of this 24onthecuspofbeing25 year old living with her mom and 16 year old brother. Holla.

Instead of things like karaoke and bars with Dana, and all the random stuff Adina and I do together, I would probably be friends with other young moms, doing momlike things like playdates and the like. Hell, I probably wouldn't even be friends with Adina, and I surely wouldn't be friends with Dana, because I wouldn't have gotten the job at the hospital.

I would be an elementary school teacher, not a CNA/Social Worker in training. This would be bad, as other people's children grate on my nerves hardcore.

It wouldn't be a bad life, at all, but I guess even though life I've chosen instead can be challenging, I still think I'd prefer it. I like the rush I get when I think about being a social worker. I don't love being single, but I do like not being tied down. I LOVE my single, non-parent friends, and I know our relationships would be different or nonexistent if that other path had happened instead. And I'm not sure I would have been truly happy, because I feel like breaking up with Donovan and completely altering the course my life was heading down allowed me to find strengths and personality traits I didn't know I had. I've grown immensly as a person in the last 5 years. I'm so happy with who I am now, even if I'm not as far along as I'd like to be. I tend to be of the opinion that life is short, so you need to make the most of it. The problem is, that usually has my feeling like there is some deadline that I need to meet, because I only have so many years to get things done. And in order to follow my new dream, I've had to let go of some of my old ones, and that can be kind of sad sometimes.

Bah. Enough of this.

Tomorrow is the orientation at UWT for welcoming incoming juniors of the Social Work program. I am helping man a table at the event, and I'm looking forward to it. Should be fun! I really can't wait to go back to school, even if my schedule is going to be bearish for the next quarter at least. I will have my gender class Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10:30-12:45, my Practicum Seminar from 4:20-6:55 on Wednesdays, and my research class on Fridays from 9:30-2:00. I will be working every Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday from 2:15-10:45. I will be taking classes Monday nights at my church, but I don't know when yet. The RCIA guy has not gotten back to me like he promised. And I will be doing my internship at the Rose House on top of all of that. I am meeting with the Rose House director on Monday to discuss my schedule, but they want us to do about 15 hours a week. Eek. Yes, Eek. I will be busy enough, that's for sure! I'll have to buy some Melatonin to make sure I'm sleeping regularly!

I wonder how many people, if any, actually read this, or if I'm just writing to myself. Either way is fine, but I'd like to think that there are people out there who are interested in what I have to say. I don't know. Bah.

I'm waiting for my dad to call me so I can drive my super cute rental car to meet him for lunch. I have to go burn him a CD. The Across the Universe soundtrack? Awesome. Listen to it, and love it.

I'm done.

Car insurance is a wonderful thing.

This morning I woke up early (for me) at about 9am to drive out to Lakewood and drop my car off at Lakewood Autobody. Let me tell you, I have heard all the commercials about how great Geico is, but I was truly impressed. Lakewood Autobody is a Geico Direct shop, so they just took care of everything for me. I walked in the office, and the woman at the desk knew who I was, and called the damage adjuster down right away. I barely had enough time to turn around, and there he was, all ready to go out and look over my car.

I told him what happened, and he looked it over and wrote everything down. The estimate was about $2013 worth of work, and he mentioned that he thinks that should be it. However, if more needs to be done, than they may total my car, and pay me what the car is worth. I hope that isn't what happens. I do NOT want to be making car payments during my last year of school!

While all of this was going on, the woman in the office called the guy at Enterprise, who came right down to the shop and dropped off my "new" car. I got a pretty nice Kia Spectra, and I've fallen in lust with it. I feel like I'm cheating on my own car, who I love very much! The car guy and I walked around, inspecting the rental, which Geico is paying for, and then asked for my credit card. He said they charged the card a $50 fee that was refunded when the car was returned. I mentioned that I didn't have that money in my account, and he simply made an imprint of my card, and waived the $50 fee. He was sweet, and asked if I would give him a ride back to his office, although he said if I had to get back to work he would call for a ride. Of course, I gave him one.

In all, I think I was there for maybe 15 minutes, tops. I am so impressed with the interactions I had today. You hear about all these companies that try to take advantage of their clients and redistribute blame, but the people I dealt with today did everything they could to make my transitions as smoothly as possible. I was really thankful.

Small Joys Monday?

Finding the police report for the car accident in my car. As I mentioned in previous posts, I didn't find this until this morning. I was very nervous about how I was going to pay for my car damages, so this was surely an answered prayer. Geico is going to pay to fix my car, as well as for me to rent a car while they do the repairs.

New Student Orientation. I'm excited to help my friend Jess from school out by manning the Student Social Work Organization booth at UWT orientation this Thursday. I am excited about the upcoming school year, and look forward to meeting the new social work students.

School starts next week. I can't wait for new classes, buying text books, and seeing old/new friends. Very exciting.

My brother is coming home to visit! He is coming home over the weekend to see a football game, and I am going to see him on Saturday. I'm getting my shift covered (fingers crossed) so we can hang out.

Law and Order: SVU is on. I love this show. Yeah I do.

Jodi Picoult is a fantastic author. I am reading Nineteen Minutes, and it's really good.

This post sucks.

I found my blog on Technorati, and apparently have to link my blog to claim it as mine. However, my internet is really slow for no reason at all, and I can't. This annoys me.

good samaritans

Wow. The most amazing thing happened to me today. First of all, I woke up to the phone ringing this morning, and it was a claims adjuster from Progressive. She was calling to ask me questions about my car, and let me know where I stood on getting it fixed. Apparently it would be covered under my uninsured motorist property damage insurance, and I would have a $300 deductible, but that would get my car fixed and would also set me up with a rental car while they were working on it. I was not thrilled with this news, but it was doable, you know?

So I'm packing up all of my stuff because Angela comes home today, and I go to take some stuff out to the car and I see a piece of paper on the front seat. A police report, to be exact. Apparently, whoever hit my car called the police who came out and filled out an accident report. With contact information, as well as the other driver's insurance. Amazing. So that means that I should get my car fixed without having to pay anything out of pocket. I could kiss the other driver. I am so happy I can't even believe my good luck.

In other news, I'm home now. Home is a mess, and we need to clean it up bad, but I put my down comforter on my bed, and am ready to welcome fall in with style.

Love.

electric

Fall is coming. I can feel it in the air. Something is happening. There is a charge, a bite in the wind. Nights are earlier, and nights are full. Full of something. Promise? Potential? If change is going to happen, now is the time. I can feel it in my bones. Something exciting is coming.

Last night I went to Dana's house after she got off of work. Dana, Drew and his cousin Max and I all went to It's Greek to Me for gyros, and you could feel the changes happening around us. The air is sparking. Something is coming. After Drew and Max left to get ready for Drew's show, Dana and I went to O'doyle's, an Irish pub, where we had a glass of Chardonnay and a raspberry beer while perusing the latest issue of The Stranger. Dana found an ad for a gallery owner looking for artists to show, and was inspired. She wants to pull together a portfolio. I want to write something profound. Change has to happen. I can feel it.

We left to go to this wine and cheese bar on Tacoma Ave, a teeny tiny little hallway where they were playing good music, and we had a really good Spanish red wine. It was like being in Europe, only in Tacoma. I want to go back to Europe. I want to have a fall romance, getting drunk on wine and stumbling back to my hotel room with good friends and laughter and conversation that never ends.

The show was at this awful place called Mugs & Jugs in Puyallup, and some of the energy left us, because a place called Mugs & Jugs is not a place that fosters creative genius. The boy was there, the boy ignored me, and I tried to ignore him back. It was mostly a success. I am single, young, spontaneous, artistic, full of life, full of potential, in a city that is showing me new experiences every where I look. I don't need mediocre boy holding me back. I am a '40s pinup glamazon, a muse for creative efforts, a life force just looking to LIVE, all caps. I want to BE. I AM. I can be anything. We can be anything, and now is when it will happen, because now is all there is, and now is magic.

Less magical, someone did hit my car last night while it was parked at Dana's apartment. I'm very sad, and more than a little overwhelmed over how to fix it. I need to call the insurance company today.


Above are pictures of my hit and run damage. Tear. Today I have to call the insurance company and get it all sorted out.

Angela comes back tomorrow night. I missed you friend, and I'm glad to have you coming home, but I am going to miss being in Tacoma, and being on my own. It was a welcome reprieve from daily life as I know it, and a good way to usher in my favorite time of year.

No Good!

Some total jerkface person pulled my bumper almost completely off of my car tonight while I was at Dana's boyfriend's show.

Almost. Completely. Off.

And the asshole boy who I went out with last week? Asshole.

But more importantly. My car is ruined. I want to cry.

Lazy day.

I've made my second trip into Gig Harbor in two days in order to pick up a pair of red F Me heels to go to Drew's show with Dana tonight. Guy from last week never called so I need a pair of sexy shoes to up my ego. A part of me hopes he's at the show tonight so that I can ignore him. And this is why I have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Nice.

It's 1pm, and I'm still wearing pjs. I am such a bum.

Yestereday I met Dana and I went with her to India Mahal where she had lunch. I occupied my hands and mouth with a helping of garlic naan, and it was so good I'm dreaming about it even now. Yum. Then we went to this bar called Cans and had a beer to kill some of our afternoon.

I met my mom at the hospital yesterday to go out to dinner. While I was there I had my TB test read. No TB. I'm shocked. No I'm not.

We went to Vin Grotto on Pac Ave for dinner. It was so good. We both got the Margherita flatbread with a house salad, and it was well worth the $12 we paid for it. It was a good night. I miss my mom.

I've spent some time catching up on the many blogs that I read, and now I'm going to grab my heels and my flat iron and head back into Tacoma. I can tell it's going to be a really lazy weekend off, but I guess that's okay. I might as well enjoy my minivacation while Angela's in Alaska, because once I'm living in Gig Harbor again, instead of just driving over to pick stuff up, I'm going to have less chance to be lazy.

Fall is here, and it's lazy weather anyway. All I want to do is curl up in my pjs and never get dressed. Yum.

I need to go to the grocery store, but I'm in sweats with no bra. I might just raid my mom's pantry instead. Hope you all are having as good a weekend as I am!

Updates and other such nonsense.

So I have been MIA as of late, as I am housesitting in Tacoma for my friend Angela while she visits Alaska with her mom. It's been a good experience, because I'm saving money on gas and bridge fare, and her two massive dogs have calmed quite a bit in the year since I've seen them. However, I miss my internet!

Not much else is going on here. I'm getting ready to go back to school at the end of the month, and I have a to do list a mile long. Some miscalculations with my bank account have left me broke as sin, regardless of the fact that yesterday was payday, so I am eagerly awaiting my financial aid check next week.

It still hurts to type (stupid hand), and I injured my foot running barefoot like an idiot. Go me.

Klondike finally sat still long enough to take that goofy picture. I love it.

I have to get ready to go up to Seattle with Chris to have dinner with our dad, so I have to take a cleaning break for a minute. Or a couple of hours. But below is the progress. It doesn't look like much, but believe me. It makes a difference. It would look better if I had linens on my bed, instead of in the dryer.

Today I am suffering from a severe lack of motivation. Severe. I didn't have any time to clean up before I went down to California, so this is what my room currently looks like.



No good. I've made an attempt at cleaning by stripping the dirty sheets off my bed and doing a load of laundry, but I can't seem to get the motivation to finish the job. Or even really to start the job if I'm being honest with myself. I just can't seem to get moving, and I can't relax when my world is quite this messy. I need to get the job finished tonight, because I am spending the next week at Angela's house while she and her mom are in Alaska, and I can't come home to this mess. Again. So depressing.

I am such a bum today that I am in fact still in my pajamas. Yes. In my pajamas. I haven't bathed or showered, I've barely gotten out of bed, and I'm rocking a Haight Ashbury Street Fair tshirt and some UW sweatpants. Yummy. If only that cute boy could see me now.

I'm looking forward to staying at Angela's this next week. I'll be in Tacoma, so I won't be paying to cross the bridge everyday, and I'll be closer to the people I socialize with. Now that Laini and I aren't really talking, I get very lonely out here in Gig Harbor every day.

Oh well, I guess I should get up and put my wet sheets in the dryer. I should at least tackle that mountain of clean clothes on my bed, so that when my laundry is done I can make the bed with clean linens. It's funny, because Klondike keeps climbing to the top of the clothing pile to take a nap, but when I get the camera to take a picture he gets camera shy, and hides under my bed. Silly puppy.

It's so true. And I'm not even a mom.

From the book I'm currently reading, Swapping Lives by Jane Green:

"Amber puts Gracie in the car seat and turns on a Wiggles CD. You know things are bad, she thinks idly as she listens to the now all-too-familiar strains of fruit salad, yummy, yummy, when you're watching The Wiggles and wondering which one you'd sleep with if you absolutely had to. Just for the record, it's Anthony, and just in case you're a mother who hasn't learned each of their names by heart, he's the blue one."

Yeah he is. I have such a crush on the blue Wiggle. Drool.

This morning was the AIDS Walk, and it was rad. It was really good to get up early, be with people I love, and walk to raise awareness for a good cause. I'm glad that my work friend Jenny came, because it was great to hang out with her outside of work. I quite like her. And it was fun to share with my mom, my brother, and Angela and her mom as well. Last year just Dana and I did it, and this year there were way more people, which was awesome. The atmosphere is always a really good, motivating, accepting one. I love to do it.

I went to a movie today with a new guy, John, and we saw Halloween. I have never seen the original, so I don't know how they compare, but I really enjoyed it, except for the excessive swearing.

When I dropped John, who I really liked hanging out with, off at his apartment he mentioned he was going to watch the UFC fights tonight. I used to be really into UFC, and loved watching the fights, and for the first time in almost a year I'm watching it, and have forgotten why I stopped. What can I say? I have a little bit of the blood lust!

Ow.

My mom literally had my brother hold me down, while she stabbed the jewelry in the last little bit. We heard and felt something pop. Now it's bleeding a little bit.

So gross.

But mission accomplished.

I'm trying to repierce my nose myself.

It hurts.

Enough said.

Finally Home!

Well, it took a 23.5 hour train ride to get me here, but I'm finally writing from my own bed, in my own room, in my own house. It felt so good to get off that train! I'll be honest, though, reentering my real life was kind of a letdown. My room is a mess, clothes need to be put away, my bed linens need washing, my car needs to be cleaned because I'm hanging out with someone new tomorrow and I'm driving, and I needed to do laundry asap because my AIDS Walk tshirt needed washing.

Why?

Because tomorrow at 8:30 am I am meeting my other teammates at UW Tacoma to participate in the Pierce County AIDS Walk. I am so tired, and I have to wake up at 7. I know once I'm up and there it will be fun, though. I'm just tired now, and I have to stay up until the washing machine is done, so I can switch my laundry over.

My room is a mess. And my skin is peeling. I don't know why.

I think I need to not be blogging right now. I'm too tired to blog responsibly.

Nerves, and such...

Today is sort of an inbetween day, as I wait until it's time to head to Emeryville and my train later tonight. I'm increasingly anxious, because I am so afraid that I am going to miss my train, even though it's doubtful. I'm also nervous about my luggage, and making the necessary rearrangements in order to carry all of my luggage onto the train with me. I think I've got some ideas, but none of them have been implemented as of yet. I have learned some lessons from my train ride down, and am traveling in pajamas with a hoodie this time around. I'm also packing food. I was kind of an idiot and forgot to bring food for the train ride down, so that sucked. This time? Two peanut butter sandwiches, and orange, some cookies and chex mix should last me the 21 hour train ride.

To ease some of my tensions I have been working on a project, and finished it today. I made this little hat for Teddy, a bear my Onnie has had since I was a little girl. I'm sure the babelet cousins will love it, although not nearly as much as Onnie did. He looks so cute in his baby blue hat!



The next two pictures are of the crafts I am taking home with me. The scarf is a handmade gift from Onnie, and I can't wait until the weather is cold enough back home to use it, although today in San Francisco the fog is so thick I could use it if I wanted. Windy day. The flippers were crotcheted for me by 6 year old Madeleine, and I love them. I wish I could wear them home on the train, but I don't have enough room in my suitcase to pack my Pumas, so Pumas it is.





Tonight Uncle Jimmy is supposed to drive me to the train station, but I am afraid he will forget, or we will get there late, or some other such nonsense. I keep telling myself if that happens I'll rent a car and drive home, even though that is a totally unpractical response. It makes me nervous that after I take my pills tonight on the train, my pill case will be empty, and I won't be able to refill it until I get home, even though I will be home tomorrow to refill it, and won't be missing any med doses at all. I'm just nervous, I guess. I just need to get on that train, pull out my iPod and my book, and get cozy for the night. It will be just fine.

Am I convincing you all, at least?

Madeleine and Claire-Bear

Today was a nice, laid back day with my lovely cousins. Onnie and I went to pick Madeleine up from school and then we brought her back to the apartment. After a very busy day of Connect Four, Twister, doing puzzles, and watching Peter Pan with Mary Martin, Madeleine and I decided to go down to the playground to burn off some energy. Madeleine spent most of her time getting up the courage to slide down the fireman's pole without Katie's help. While we were playing, Daddy and sister Claire showed up, and walked back up to Onnie's apartment with us for dinner.

After dinner Daddy went to Madeleine's school for Parent's Night, and us girlies went back down to the playground. Madeleine finally mastered the pole



And Claire was eager to show me all the things she could "do"!



Finally, we took a picture together, just the three of us, before heading to Daddy's apartment to put on our pjs.



It's not my shiningest moment, but c'est la vie.

I got some excellent financial aid news. My FAFSA has been reinstated, and I was awarded an entire years worth of grants, so I don't have to pay back any of my tuition for my senior year of college. Zero loans. I am so happy I could pee. I can't wait to buy my text books!

Tomorrow is the train ride back home, and then the AIDS Walk. I have had fun, but I can't wait to get home. My puppy misses me.

No, I'm really not bored on my vacation!

One of the other blogs that I read posted pictures of the outside and inside of her purse, and I loved it. It makes me think of the part in Amelie where the mother empties her purse, vaccuums it out, and then puts everything back in! Anyway, here are pictures of the inside and outside of my purse! (I know, I'm a loser....)

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Sightseeing and Souvenir Shopping

Today my Onnie and I had a very busy day as I ran all the "errands" I needed to run to get my souvenir shopping done. We woke up at around 9, which is early for me, and had coffee for breakfast, and then we got ready to head out into the City. Our first stop was Louie's, this diner that is up on this cliff above the waterfront. I had a cheeseburger (not very veggie!) and Onnie had eggs, hashbrowns, and an english muffin. She took this really rad picture of me overlooking the water:



After breakfast we stopped at Cost Plus World Market, so that I could use the restroom, and I also bought a new belt and a bottle of merlot, because the brand was Bohemian Highway. I love that. I think I'm saving it for after the AIDS Walk! Then we made our way down to China Town where I bought a parasol for my friend Amanda. While we were in the general area between China Town and North Beach we stopped at a bakery and had the yummiest desserts ever!



The last stop was Haight/Ashbury, where I bought a tshirt for myself, and a little present for Dana. Onnie was annoyed with all of the people panhandling, but I didn't mind, and got rid of some loose change. I loved this picture I got of the building across the street!



Now I'm off to make a peanut butter sandwhich, as my junkfood dessert wasn't very longlasting. Ah well, C'est la vie!

Crafting with my Onnie

I was looking over some of my Onnie's Christmas crafts that she makes for the Sisters of the Poor to sell. I really like a lot of the ideas she has, and impressed with her craftiness. I hope that someday I am nearly as talented. I wanted to share some pictures of course! Hope you love them!

A visit with my girls

Today we drove from Novato, where I've been staying at my uncle's house, to San Francisco, and my Onnie's apartment. The most exciting thing about this so far is that it has been so ridiculously hot in Marin, but the minute we came in sight of the Golden Gate Bridge the fog quickly began to roll in, and the weather has been gray and overcast. For this Seattle girl, that's my favorite kind of weather!

Once we got to the apartment Onnie checked her messages, and she had one from my cousins Madeleine and Claire, who are 6 and 3, respectively. They were staying with their dad (their parents are getting divorced) who lives in the apartment building across from my Onnie, so we walked over to see my Uncle Jim and his girls. This is really the first time I've spent any length of time with Claire, and I haven't seen Madeleine in so long she didn't remember me, but we had a lot of fun playing with their Littlest Pet Shop toys, and they posed for many precious pictures with and for me!

They've gone home with their mom now, and Onnie and I headed home as well. I took a quick twenty minute walk, as I am trying to be more active, and now I am just killing time until I can go to bed. That's terrible! But I know we'll be having busy days, and wanting to get early starts, so it all works out, I guess!

Small Joys - my sister's wedding

Today was an amazing day. Today Julie, my adopted baby sister, married her highschool sweetheart, and I was blessed with the opportunity to be in California for the wedding. She looked so amazing... it was such a special day.

I woke up late today, because I was so tired after my lack of sleep the last two days. I grabbed some lunch with my grandma and my cousin, Kelsey, and then us girls went upstairs to get ready. Kel curled my hair, because the bridesmaids decided updos were the way to go, and it turned out really fantastic.



I borrowed Kelsey's car and ended up driving myself to the church, which was actually really nice. I do love driving down here. Most of my relatives would think I'm crazy for saying that, but I do. Once I got to the church, we proceeded to try to calm Julie down and then her mom and sisterinlaw, Jenny, helped her get dressed.



So many pictures were taken, and that was a lot of fun. The bridesmaid's dresses were really gorgeous, and all the girls looked so pretty, and Julie just looked so classic. I know she was driving a lot of us to tears just looking at her!

The wedding was outdoors, in a gorgeous location!



The music Julie chose was amazing. My only complaint was that it was awfully hot! Sweat was dripping down my legs, no joke! But the wedding was actually pretty quick, and then we made our way to a shaded patio for more pictures. In between pics, I was able to snap a really cute picture of Julie and her four brothers!



I drove to the reception, where I met my Onnie, my Uncle Bob and Aunt Theresa, and my cousins, Kelsey and Sean. I could tell my uncle was having a great time catching up with people he hadn't seen in ages, and I got the opportunity to meet John and Jenny's newest baby, Juliet.



The cut the cake (yum),





and Julie tossed her bouquet (caught by her bridesmaid Annie)



and Walter tossed the garter, which he took off with his teeth (yeah he did), and was caught by the best man, Shannon. I was winding down from my trip and all, just as the party was getting crazy. I had a quick dance with my Uncle Bob, and then I made my rounds telling Julie and Walter, and then Julie's four brothers, plus her sisterinlaw, that I was leaving. I stopped by Julie's dad to say goodbye, and he wouldn't let me leave without a slow dance. He walked me up to the dj with him, introduced me as his other daughter, and requested a slow song. The dj played "Daughters" by John Mayer, all of the above being enough to touch me deeply, but then Jeff started to tell me how I was always welcome at his house, or to call and talk, or whatever, because he said he hurt for me (my parent's divorce several years ago threw the world for a loop). Anyway, all things combined made me cry like a baby, and I'm tearing up just thinking about it.



I am so blessed. I wish I had a way to express how much all of these people mean to me. Words just aren't enough.

Anyway, now that the "work" (as if it wasn't a total blast) part of my vacation is over, I'm looking forward to just relaxing. Onnie and I are driving to her apartment in San Francisco tomorrow, where I will be until I catch my train in Emeryville on Thursday. I can't wait. I already have plans to meet Bob, Theresa and cousins at Ghirardelli Square for sundaes, courtesy of Sean's brilliant idea. Life is so good.

This week my small joys are all of the above. Family, friends, and being surrounded by people I love.

I've slept three hours in the last two days.

Well, I left early Friday morning for the train station to catch my train to Emeryville in California. It was a terribly long train ride, and I am so tired I could actually cry. Because of the train trip all day Friday, and me being exhausted now, I think small joys for this week will be postponed until maybe tomorrow night. But for now? A quick catchup.

The rehearsal dinner for the wedding was tonight, and it went really well. I FINALLY met John's wife, Jenny, and his oldest daughter, and I met Jake's girlfriend, Emilie. It was amazing to see Julie, and her family, and the dinner was really good. I had a salad, a terrific ravioli dish, and then a couple of bites of tiramisu. The party was Hawaiian themed, so I left with several leis, and also Julie made me take an orchid that served as one of the centerpieces. I took a pink one, but because I know that even if it survived the train ride home, I would most undoubtedly kill it, I gave the orchid to my cousin Kelsey, who's room is also pink, so it matches!

I am so tired I want to die, and so I am off to sleep, but I'll post pictures and such after the wedding is OVER.

Night, all.