So I love to do these. I'm a voyeur, and I love when other people do them, so I subject you all to the crap in my purse!
Uh, pretty much watching She-Ra on DVD. Yeah, that's right. I'm rad.
My mom came into my room this morning before work, and laughed when she saw what I was watching. She-Ra was my favorite cartoon growing up, and my mom was telling me how when I was three years old it was all She-Ra, all the time. Apparently everytime Adora became She-Ra on TV I would jump up and yell "She-Ra!". Gosh, I was cute.
Anyway, I'm not going to be up much longer, as I have a very busy day tomorrow. I have therapy, my internship, and then Dana, Angela and I are going up to Seattle to see Brand New, Thrice, and mewithoutyou in concert at the new Showbox. I haven't spent a lot of time listening to any of these bands, so it should be fun. I'm having to miss a meeting at work to go to my internship, so this makes me feel guilty and anxious, even though there's nothing I can really do about it. And I asked my mom (who works at the same place I do), and she agreed that my internship came first. Because school always comes first. (I love my mom).
So this is what bothers me. Apparently, according to Adam, Adora's twin brother, no one knows he's He-Man, not even his parents. Um, hello? He-Man wears way less clothing than Adam does, and it's not like he's hiding behind a mask. So it's not like you see less of him. You actually see more. So how stupid does all of Eternia have to be to not notice he's He-Man. That's all.
I'm such a nerd.
Also, I remember Skeletor being scarier.
That's really all. I've got to go to sleep. Night, folksies.
After my last couple of posts, which have been kind of "down", I was challenged by Karen Beth to make a list of thirty things about myself that were good. I like a challenge, so here is the result: 30 things I like about me.
1. I'm very family centered. My family is the most important thing in my world, and anything else takes a backseat when my family needs me.
2. My friends are my family, as well. I don't take friendship lightly. Once I call you friend, I will do almost anything for you.
3. I'm intuitive, and as a result I think my friendships progress quickly. I am able to find kindred spirits, and form solid relationships.
4. I feel things. When something good happens, I am happy all over. When I am sad, I feel it just as fiercely. I like being so passionate, even if it can be exhausting at times.
5. I am creative. I love to write, sing, craft, or basically anything that lets me release all those passionate feelings welling up inside of me.
6. I tend to look for people who bring the last two things out in me. I like being around people who make me feel. It's how I know I'm alive.
7. I treat my dogs like they are my children. Actually, I do that with all of my pets. I used to keep bettas, and I spoiled them just as much as I spoil Klondike, Phoebe and Bella now.
8. I love the way I dress. It's so completely, honestly me. Sometimes it's basic, sometimes it's a little off the wall. A girl in my BASW program told me she loved my sense of style. She said it's fun. I loved that, because that's what I aim for. I like having my own style.
9. I love to read. Anything I can get my hands on. Fiction, non-fiction, biographies, how-to manuals, cereal boxes, textbooks. I was one of those kids who couldn't eat breakfast without the cereal box to read as well.
10. As a result, I think I have a well rounded knowledge base. I like knowing things that many people consider obscure.
11. My bedroom walls are bright pink. I painted them that color when I was 22. I picked the color on a whim, because it was called cheery, and it made me feel just that.
12. I take pictures of everything and everyone, and then buy frames and put them everywhere. I have had to start hanging the frames on my walls because I've run out of shelves and furniture to put them on. I'm running out of wall space.
13. My mom and I really are best friends.
14. I dropped out of college when I was 20, and never really thought I'd go back. But I'm graduating this spring with my Bachelor's in Social Work.
15. I do believe in fairies.
16. I'm forgiving.
17. When I make you my friend, you are a friend for life. I don't give up on people easily.
18. I have a weird relationship with my electronics. I think I'm electromagnetically wonky, and things tend to break on me. To solve this problem I started naming all of my electronics, and sweet talking to them. I am convinced this has made a positive difference.
19. I think I'm charming.
20. I love my voice. I think it's very feminine.
21. I have a really good sense of humor.
22. I have a thirst for learning things.
23. I want to be a social worker because I want to change the world. And I really believe I can. I love my idealism.
24. I love my tattoos, because they are good expressions of who I am and how I view the world.
25. I'm very spiritual. And religious.
26. I used to be so thin you could count my ribs. I might wish I were a little bit thinner, or more toned, but ultimately I love my curves more than I ever loved being stick thin. They make me feel more feminine.
27. I really care about people.
28. I have these freckles on my shoulders that I think are about the sexiest thing I've ever seen on a person.
29. I am genuinely interested in the stories people have to tell.
30. I think that mostly I am uninhibited. I like that about myself. A lot.
So I hope I didn't bore you all with my list of stuff, but I think that it was a really helpful thing to do. It's good to focus on the things we wouldn't change about ourselves, because I think mostly people focus on what they want to change, and that doesn't get you anywhere. So thanks, Karen Beth. It was exactly what I needed!
So today in class I was playing around on my laptop, going into files that I've never used and deleting them. While I was doing that, I found a file full of all my old msn conversation histories. I didn't even know they were on my computer! Anyway, I started reading Caleb's old messages, and became really depressed. First I was depressed because he was very sweet, and towards the end I became depressed because his attitude was so disrespectful, and I should have been able to walk away but couldn't. My self-esteem was so low that I would rather be miserable in a relationship than assert myself and leave a bad thing behind.
So on a total whim (that I regretted the minute I did it) I reinstated my eharmony account. I don't want to be on eharmony! I have a crush! That I really like! And sure, nothing's going to happen if I just sit there like an idiot with my poor self-esteem, but Good Christmas! I don't really want to spend the money I just spent to be let down again, because I got paired up with a jerk. Especially since I know someone in real life who I really like! But anyway, I logged into my eharmony stuff, and noticed that Caleb had "closed" our match. I hadn't noticed this before, because I cancelled my eharmony after Caleb and I started dating. But almost a month after he broke up with me (via text message) he logged into eharmony and "broke up" with me there, too. Good Christmas, I'm in a bad mood.
And I still am having trouble liking myself, at least aesthetically, so I am having a hard time imagining that there's someone out there in eharmony land who will like me. And I'd really prefer it if my crush liked me anyway.
Bah Humbug.
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Classifications::
Random Life
I would be so lonely if we didn't have any pets! It's kind of amazing to me that I was able to just go somewhere, give someone some money, and take home a living, breathing creature. My dogs are so precious. They're good company when I'm lying around the house alone like a bum, avoiding my to do list! Although actually, now that I'm done being sick, I'm really quite on top of my to do list. But I love how I'll sit in bed with my laptop on my lap (duh), and Klondike will curl up next to/on top of me while I type. So cute.
Today is such a pretty day out. It's very sunny, and the temperature is not too hot, and it's not too cold. A couple of light layers is all I really needed when I got dressed this morning.
Going back to work this weekend. I'm not very excited about that, but I guess it's better than doing nothing, and it would be nice to have some money on my next paycheck.
I went to the library today and picked up another DVD, so I think when I'm done typing this I'm going to start wading through my library DVDs. I have half of Ramones Raw to finish, I'm only about a half an hour into Sylvia, I have The United States of Leland, and today I picked up Before Stonewall, a documentary I missed in my sexual orientation class when I was sick last week. I need to get started!
I also need to wade through my library books and return the ones that are overdue, or that I'm really just not going to read. I tend to check out more than I can get through!
And I need to clean my room. And knit my sweater. So I should go do that.
I've been feeling kind of depressed lately. I just feel really down. And I want to sleep all the time. And I can't wait until I'm done with school, but I don't want to have to go to class. I love my internship, but I hate my job. If I could do anything, I would stay at home, not have to worry about money, and just check out library books and read all day, but if I did that I would be sad because I would be alone all the time, and I wouldn't be doing anything productive.
It might not help my mood that I just put The Bell Jar on hold at the library. I haven't read it since I was thirteen. I figured since I was watching Sylvia, I would embrace the Sylvia Plath.
I'm lonely. I have no time to see my friends, and lately I haven't liked myself enough to date anybody.
I'm just moody. I have been. I might need to adjust some medications. I don't feel like myself. Hopefully I'll be back to normal tomorrow.
i'm too lazy to think of a clever title
| Classifications:: Adventures, Books, Entertainment, Family, Feelings, Internship, Knitting, SchoolI think my creative bone is on hiatus. I really feel out of commission, and I'm sick of it! I think the answer to my problem is to simply ignore the sick, and jump back into the swing of my ridiculously busy schedule. And then sleep every chance I get!
The problem with not staying as busy as usual is that I get bored so I blog, but I've done nothing, so my blogs are boring. C'est la vie! I'm sure you will all bear with me until I bounce back.
Work on the sweater has taken a turn for the worse. No dropped stitches, everything is really even, guage is good, but I just can't seem to make myself sit there and knit when I have free time. Instead I end up doing karaoke revolution or going online or something. And when I'm watching TV? Yeah, I'm still lame and don't do it. I did work on it some the other night, but I really need to step it up! I'm on a schedule! One factor that is slowing me down is that I know I'm going to need more yarn. Soon. But that's no excuse to halt production altogether.
My brother Chris and I drove out to McDonald's in his Bronco at about 11ish to get a Diet Coke. Nothing tastes better to me than Diet Coke with lots of ice, from the fountain. It's nowhere near as good when it comes in a can or bottle. It's like crack to me. But I digress.
We hopped in the car, popped Le Petite Prince in the CD player, and were on our way. It wasn't until we were leaving the drivethru that I commented how cold it was, even though the heat was on high. Then, as we were coming up Rosedale, the main road that our neighborhood is off of, Chris noticed that the heat thingy was past the little red line. We pulled over, and as he turned the truck off there was this noice like rubber bands snapping, and the car way started overheating.
We called our brother Bryan, even though at this point it was 12:30 in Missoula, to ask his opinion on our situation. Bryan said that the Bronco was simply out of fluid, and that it was something you really had to watch in the Bronco. (It was his car first.) But we put more coolant in the reservoir, and waited until it stopped smoking and drove the rest of the short way home. It was still making rubber band noises as we pulled into our neighborhood, but Bryan said to just add more fluid to the radiator tomorrow before driving it anywhere.
I really hope that it truly is that simple, because my dad has said he's not putting anymore money into the Bronco, and I know that Chris can't afford to deal with this kind of car trouble. He's been super stressed lately, and really doesn't need to deal with his truck on top of everything else. Life is hard enough for him right now.
I'm mad at someone, and I'm trying really hard to not be. I don't like being mad, but sometimes it's easier to hang onto the anger than it is to let it go, because when you let that anger disappear than you have to face trickier emotions. Like pain. And sadness. And I might not like being angry, but I think I dislike being sad even more.
I'm having a really hard time getting into any of my new library books. I keep starting them, and not getting past the first chapter. Even had this trouble with a Jodi Picoult book, and I love all of her books! But my mom just finished Scott Westerfeld's Specials, which just came into my library the other day. I had been on the waiting list since the middle of this summer! So I'm pretty sure that this book will engage me like the previous two did, although it's been so long since I read Pretties that I think I need to find some online synopsis to catch me up!
I rented Sylvia from the library, with Gwyneth Paltrow. Has anyone seen it? I want to know if it's worth watching!
I am still very excited over recieving my package yesterday. Especially since I forgot Karen Beth was sending it until it was in my hands. I love getting real mail. I have a rubbermaid bin that holds every single letter or card I've gotten since I was in middle school. No joke. It's fun to add to the collection. And when I'm feeling really down, I love to go through them all and remember all the wonderful times. I love mail. Getting mail yesterday makes me want to send mail to someone else, so that their day is a bright as mine was.
I should really go to sleep, as I have class, and then a really busy exciting day planned at my internship. Sometimes I wish I could just talk in detail, and tell you all about the wonderful things I get to do there. But unfortunately that would be unethical and a breach of confidentiality. But rest assured, I am being challenged and fulfilled, and I am appropriately nervous/excited about everything I am experiencing. But it's a long day before I can come home and watch my Thursday night block of "bad" (and by bad I mean wonderful) TV. And I have to wake up early to drive Joe to his first day of school in Gig Harbor. I can't wait to hear how it goes. I hope it goes so well for him. Keep this little lost boy in your thoughts today and in the days to come. I am off to sleep. Finally. After I read a little bit. And I really should knit some on my sweater.... Kidding. That can wait until tonight. Goodnight, my loves!
Today I was playing karaoke with Joe (I kicked his butt!) when Chris and my mom came in to watch Pushing Daisies. We're all settling down on the couches when Chris tossed an envelope towards me. I was so excited! I get bills, I get junk mail, but I never get fun stuff!
It was a package from Karen Beth! She sent me, like she promised a week ago, a cd of my favorite book, The Little Prince, in French. She also sent a sweet card. I was very excited.
It's a lot of fun having a little person in our house again. He's so full of little people energy. We played karaoke, watched Pushing Daisies, played a game of Battleship, and dyed celery with food coloring. He is such a sweet little boy, and I'm very glad to have him here. I feel so bad for him, not having either one of his parent's, and I wish that there was a way for him to understand how wanted he is, and how loved he is.
I'm tired tonight. I seem to be tired a lot.
So this morning I had to get up early because I had a doctor's appointment before my class. I wanted to know why my stupid sinus infection just would not go away! I mean, I've been exhausted for days now! Well, it turns out that the reason my sinus infection won't go away is because it is not, in fact, a sinus infection. It's tonsillitis. So they gave me a shot in my butt and sent me on my way. This means I'm not working again today. My boss is going to hate me.
I went to my Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity class today. That is the class I missed both times last week. It was really good. We watched a movie about homosexuality after the Stonewall Riots. I have a huge to do list of stuff that needs to get done for that class, but I think I'm going to do it later this afternoon. I need to write up a contract for my major project for that class. I want my project to be a research paper on gays and lesbians and the AIDS epidemic.
Right now I'm being very productive and watching Tori and Dean Inn Love on the Oxygen network. Wow. I cannot believe how addicted I am to this show. Seriously. The two of them are kind of dumb. I have never ever seen a negotiator as bad as Dean is. Seriously. What a joke. So what's the deal? Is Tori poor now? I'm out of the Hollywood Gossip Loop. Because they just had this huge yard sale, and I'm like, why does Tori Spelling need to have a yard sale? And they keep talking about how they can't afford this and they can't afford that. I'm so confused.
I'm watching Dancing with the Stars (I never watch this show) and one of the Spice Girls is on it, which I did not know. She's doing a Samba routine to an old Spice Girls song, and for some reason this makes me very happy. And for the record, I was never a Spice Girls fan. But something about the song made me happy.
I was eating these cinnamon tortilla things from Taco Time, and I got cinnamon all over my chest. Yuk. Now I'm all sticky. I shouldn't be allowed to eat.
I'm in the middle of watching Ramones Raw, and can I just say Joey Ramone? I don't care how uber-skinny or goofy looking he may have been, I will always have an insatiable crush on him. He is SEXY personified. Even if he did have kind of bad teeth. I just want to take him home and take care of him. Except he's dead. So that would be weird. But if he weren't, oh brother, watch out! Good Christmas, I love the Ramones.
So I'm having a tough time bouncing back into my daily routine. I slept through my therapy appointment this morning, which is so bad, because this is the second appointment I've missed in three weeks. I feel so bad. I just left the most apologetic message on my therapist's voicemail. I feel awful.
I had my first foray into the real world since falling out of commission several days ago. I was back at my internship this afternoon, and it was good to get back into the swing of things. I've been faltering with my commitments lately because I've been sick, so I'm trying to get all of my stuff back together.
Incidentally, I would give my right arm for a Dancing with the Stars body. Good Christmas.
Joey came over this morning, and we began to sort out the process of acclimating him to Gig Harbor. He's already calling himself my third little brother, and claiming us as his older siblings. We went to Target today to buy him a more Washington appropriate winter wardrobe. He got a new jacket and some snow mittens (he's really wanting to be 'prepared' for when it snows), and a new snow hat, which he loves. He got some long sleeved shirts and sweat shirts as well.
After we finished shopping we dropped my grandma and mom off at home, and then took Chris with us to the library. We got Joey signed up with his own library card, and he did a contest at the library where he guessed how many candy corn were in this container. We went to Dairy Queen for ice cream, also. Incidentally, the pumpkin pie blizzard from Dairy Queen? Pretty much the best thing ever. Yummy.
Joey wanted to make sure you all saw our pictures of our "matching" hats. He says we're "tripletsies"!
This is what happens when I'm home alone sick for three days. I apparently update my blog's theme like crazy.
I like this one the best, though, so I'm leaving it alone for awhile. Promise.
I wish everyone would get home already! They should be about an hour away.
I have mentioned here before that my younger brother, Bryan, is in the process of joining the Marines, something that I am simultaneously proud of and sick over. I am so proud of my brother's ability to put the individual aside in his belief of something that is bigger than him. I am proud that he is willing to be a soldier for our country. And whether I agree with this war or not (I generally don't), I am so proud that he is willing to risk his life for what he believes is a better life for others. However, I am sick with worry. I don't want him to go to Iraq (duh, who would?), and I don't want him to be disillusioned. I think it's inevitable that his actual experience is going to be different from what he imagines, because who can understand what Iraq is ike until they are actually there? But I want to make life easy for him, and I can't make this easy, and that makes me sad.
Anyway, I went to this website to send a thank you to someone who is already in Iraq, fighting for something they believe in. I send it because I hope someone will do the same thing for my brother when he is over there.
On the cold front, my throat is sore, my voice is going going gone, and I'm not working today, so I am spending day 2.5 (yesterday doesn't count as a full day, because I had class) in bed being a lazy bum. Yummy.
Finally I leave you with good news!
Friday, October 19, 2007 | Classifications:: Family, School, Small JoysI mentioned yesterday that my mom, brother and grandma drove out of town yesterday for a family emergency. Now that it's been resolved, and they are coming back tomorrow, I'll fill you all in!
I have a cousin in elementary school, I think he's almost ten, who lives with his mom in California. For personal reasons she isn't able to take care of him right now, and so my family drove down to have my aunt sign a temporary custody form and bring him back to live with us for a little while. They went to talk to my aunt this morning, and everything went really well, and all the paperwork was signed.
This is a really big deal for me, because Joe does not live in the best neighborhood. Life in Gig Harbor is so stress free compared to growing up in California. You are allowed to grow up slower here. I remember the culture shock when my family moved up here ten years ago, but I really think the slower pace will be good for him. This is a little boy who hasn't been able to wear either blue or red for several years, because if he did he could get shot. Now he can wear whatever he wants. He doesn't have to be so tough. He doesn't have to worry about neighborhood kids stealing his bike or his cellphone. I am not harboring any illusions that this isn't going to be very hard for him, but I honestly feel in the long run it is the best thing for him.
Now that the family crisis has been resolved, and I know everyone is okay, I can enjoy the rest of my time home alone. I'm going to take a big hot bath in my mom's huge soaking tub and then I am going to curl up in bed with the puppies and take a nap! I had a long day at school, as today was the BASW Colloquium. The seniors (me) got to meet the new juniors, and there was a really interesting presentation on social policy in Finland. They are really very progressive over there, and some of their policies left me feeling a little jealous! It's been a very busy day, and I am still a little coldish, so I'm going to be lazy the rest of the day!
This week's biggest small joy? Joey coming to live with us for the rest of the year. I am so thankful.
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Classifications::
Family,
Friends,
Random Life
It is very lonely here by myself, with my closest family member an hour and a half away. Dad is in Pt. Angeles, Byran is in Montana, and last I talked to Chris, the three of them were in Redding. I worry with them on the road. I also worry about me, here home alone. I don't always do well on my own. Which is why I am still living with my mom at 25 years old.
Angela was a good friend and drove out to see me after her staff meeting tonight. We went and got Subway, then came back to my house, where we watched crappy TV (Ugly Betty and Grey's) and surfed the internet. She is a really good friend, and I'm glad I have her. We also spent time googling our respective crushes because I'm lame like that.
Still sick, yuck, not looking forward to class tomorrow, but at least it gets out a little early, and then I am probably going to come home and take another nappy nap. Yum.
All three dogs are in my room with me right now. Bella and Phoebe are curled up on my bed, and Klondike is under the bed, as per usual. Love. They make me feel less lonely.
I stepped on a hammer tonight and cut my foot open (ouch!) and now I'm walking crooked. At least I am up on my tetanus shots, due to my last clumsy episode, which involved me stepping on a rusty fireplace tool that had been out in our storage shed for a year. I swear, sometimes I shouldn't be allowed to walk!
Good night, my loves. Sweet dreams.
That's me!
I stayed home from everywhere this morning because I'm sick with what is most likely a sinus infection. While I was trying to sleep it off, my mom came in to tell me about a family crisis that is going on, and that she was going to have to drive down to California. I have class all day tomorrow, so I am at home, but mom, Chris and my grandma all left this morning, and are probably not going to be coming back until Sunday. I haven't been home alone more than a couple of hours, but I am so lonely at the thought of being here by myself for several days!
Come tomorrow, I'll be so busy with the normal routine that I probably will hardly notice they're gone, but right now I'm missing them.
Keep my family in mind, please, during this emergency that I don't feel comfortable talking about until I know how it's going to end. If you are praying people, then your prayers are certainly appreciated.
So this summer I made a rash decision. My boyfriend and I had just broken up, and on top of that I was going through a really hard time, and I decided that I needed to dye my hair. Like, really dye my hair. Purple. Which faded until it was an obnoxious shade of hot pink. So I dyed over it. Brown. With a permanent dye.
It faded to pink.
So I dyed over it again. With a brown permanent dye.
It faded to brownish pink. Which is where we are at now. What was originally fun, quirky, young, and a little out of the ordinary (okay, pretty GD out of the ordinary) is now kind of trashy. I don't like it.
BUT. My mom went to have her hair colored today, by someone new, and this girl told my mom that she could in fact dye over pink hair. In a way that would be more... well, permanent than the permanent dyes I have been using. I'm so stoked. So. Stoked.
Here is a fun game to play. I am borrowing the idea from alisonwonderland. Basically the idea is that by the end of this year I will send a gift to each of the first five people to comment on this post. There is a small catch, that each person who posts a comment has to have their own blog, and be willing to make the same offer. So if you want to participate in a fun chain of gift giving, then comment away!
I'm not feeling like myself lately. I feel down, empty in my stomach, useless, listless, tired. I don't know. I might make an appointment with my psychiatrist to see if I need a medication adjustment, because this isn't working.
I've missed three classes in the last two weeks. And believe me, if I could call in sick today I would. I just want to spend the day in bed, sleeping, maybe reading a little, possibly working on my sweater. I don't want to go to work. But not going to work would depress me, just like not going to class does. What happened to the me who was excited to be doing so much? I blame the weather.
I'm lonely.
I don't have Windows Vista, but my younger brother just bought a new laptop, and it operates with Vista. What I don't like is that, and don't ask me how as I know nothing about computers, whenever he is home and his computer is with him our internet connections slows dramatically. When he takes his laptop to my dad's for the weekend, no problem. I hate his stupid laptop, because it makes it take years for pages to load.
Now that my main reason for going on myspace and I are no longer friends, I've made my page public for awhile in an attempt to meet new people. So far it isn't working.
I'm so tired lately. I think it's the weather. I just want to curl up in bed with a good book. I light a pumpkin scented candle that my brother bought me for my birthday, and it's all gray outside, and I love it. Right now I am reading The Deception of the Emerald Ring by Lauren Willig, and it's cute. Light reading. I need brain candy after all the reading for school!
I mentioned recently that I think Klondike is scared of my camera, and it makes for awkward picture taking. However, I just recently found these on my computer, so now I'll be the annoying pet mom I am and show off!
One of the blogs I read posted a really interesting entry today. Danielle's mom has some health issues, and resulting medical bills, and so she's come up with a very creative way to raise some money. Her bracelets are a sweet way to help her help her mom, so anybody with some extra cash who is interested in making a difference in someone's life should go to her page and leave her a comment looking for information. I know she'd appreciate it!
I worked 16 hours yesteday. I got to work at 2, and worked my normal 2:15-10:45, but a little before I was supposed to go home staffing called. They told me that if I wanted to stay and work a double they would take me off the schedule for today, so I did it. I had a long night, and came home very tired this morning, but all in all it was worth it.
Apparently some anonymous stranger disagrees with my opinion of Hideous Creatures. I don't really care. If you don't like my opinion, don't read my blog, but I'm not about to start censoring myself for the masses. I mean, jeez, it's not like I'm that controversial. All I'm saying is if you murder someone you should go to jail for more than five years. The victim didn't die for only five years. Anyway, enough of that.
So I slept until 1:30pm, and then I went to go see Hairspray at the Blue Mouse with my mom and grandma. OMG, it was so cute! I loved it. And that Zach Efron kid is a QT! Holy moly.
Now I'm in bed (lazy) wearing my new Hello, Cupcake tshirt and getting ready to watch movies online with Netflix. OOOH! I mean, Brothers and Sisters on ABC! I love not working on Sundays! I'm also gonna put some CDs on my ITunes, so I can in turn put them on my IPod. I went to the library recently and got Ryan Adams Demolition and Easy Tiger, Mary Timony Ex Hex, Silversun Pickups Carnavas, and Daft Punk Human After All. So stoked on the Daft Punk.
BTW, any Myspacers who are interested, I am temporarily making my myspace public. I guess I just have an urge to be an exhibitionist. I've gone through some changes, I've revamped my page a tad, and I want to meet new myspacers, and you don't do that if your page is private. Gosh, Myspace really is ruining a generation.
I've just finished watching a movie called Heavenly Creatures, about a pair of terrifically spoiled brats. It's about the Parker/Hulme murder in Christchurch, New Zealand. These two girls have a fantastically unhealthy relationship where they can't survive without each other, and when their parents try to split them up, the girls murder one of the mothers. It baseed on a true story, and director Peter Jackson is acclaimed for getting the details so correct. I enjoyed the movie up until the end, where the girls murder the mother, in cold blood, viciously and heartlessly, all because they believe that by killing the mother the daughter will be able to go and live with her friend, who is moving to Africa. And all I can think, because I researched the case online, is that the girls were only in prison for five years, and that is not enough. How heartless and selfish can you possibly be? To take the life of your own mother? And they're out now, and one of them, Juliet Hulme, is actually a famous author who has changed her name to Anne Perry. You can google her, and there she is, her and her stupid books. And for some reason, this makes me terribly angry. She helped her friend kill her friend's mother, and now she is some stupid famous author. That is disgusting.
However, I believe in God, and I believe in Karma, so altogether, she'll get it in the end. But Good Christmas, that pisses me off.
has learned to be afraid of my camera. I think it's the flash. At first I just thought that it was coincidence that everytime I pulled the camera out he ran away or jumped off of the bed. Now I honestly think the flash has conditioned him to run everytime he sees my camera. Which sucks, because he's so cute.
I had a very busy afternoon! My dad gave me some birthday money, as I mentioned, so i took that and headed out to the mall to buy my shoes. They had the dark brown ones that I wanted, such a rich color. I think the salesmen called them "Columbian Chocolate", but I don't know if that's what they were actually called, or just his name for them. I bought some Ugg Spray to water/stain proof them, so they are drying from that right now. I am so excited. And they are so much nicer than any of the fake ones. They are so soft, and so warm. I love them.
i also went to American Eagle because Onnie gave me a gift card. I bought some pj shorts with hearts on them, a light blue thermal hoodie with birds on it, two pairs of underwear and a blue headband with little eagles embroidered in it. I love the headband, and can't wait to wear it to my internship next week.
I also saw my friend Zach today, and we went out to lunch. We went to Shari's and had sandwiches. It was good to see him, and I'm excited to see him on his birthday. I was really tired, though, so I ended up being pretty boring.
I'm planning a trip to visit my friend Andrea once this quarter is over. It should be fun. I haven't met her two youngest children, and Bella was a baby the last time that I saw her!
I'm gonna leave you with my Friday 5:
What was the last thing you baked? Wow. It's been a long time since I baked. Like, months. I think it was a cinnamon pastry.
What was the last thing you tried on for size? A thermal hoodie from American Eagle.
What was the last thing you purchased on credit? My Uggs. Although, actually that was debit. I don't use credit.
What was the last thing you put a postage stamp on? I mailed Onnie some pictures from when I visited her in September.
What was the last thing you took a photo of? Zach and I at Shari's in Tacoma.
I am full of excitement over the most material thing EVER. I am in love with Ugg boots, truly, I don't care how ugly the world thinks they are. First off, they aren't ugly; they're rad. Second, they are the only shoes on the planet that keep my feet warm in the cold Washington winter. They make me happy. I love them. However, I am a poor college student working part time, so I can't afford the real thing. Ever year I buy a pair of fake Uggs (I call them FUggs), and use them throughout the winter. The cheap Target/Payless version usually don't last much longer than that. However, this year my dad gave me a hundred dollars for my birthday, and I get paid tonight at midnight. This means that tomorrow after class I am driving out to the Tacoma Mall and buying myself a 100% real, genuine pair of Ugg boots. I want the darkest brown ones that they have. Love.
I've begun knitting again, because Angela bought me some yarn for my birthday. I've begun a secret project with some forest green tweed yarn, and I am way stoked about it. Oh, what the H. Everyone knows I can't keep a secret! I'm knitting my first sweater. It's a really basic pattern from a book Laini gave me a couple of years ago. But I've never attempted a sweater before, so we shall see how it turns out.
I spoke to my friend Zach on the phone tonight, and he called me an old lady, and told me I need more exciting hobbies. Maybe he's right, but there is something about fall that makes me want to sit at home in my sweats and make stuff while I watch all my favorite TV shows. I don't even watch TV in the summer, but Fall comes, and you watch out! All my shows are back, and my sweats are beckoning, and my knitting needles are whispering my name.
I am an old lady, but I'm a fun, mostly cute, partly crazy but in a good way old lady. In a 25 year old body. So there.
So, last birthday post, I swear. I have pictures from my "dinner" at the hospital yesterday, and some pictures from today, as well.
Here are the cupcakes that Angela made me. Vegan coconut lime. I love the little limes on top, and the coconut sprinkles. So yum!
Dana's pumpkin pie. My favorite!
Random birthday picture of me at work.
Then, this morning my mom and I met Angela at Hello, Cupcake in Tacoma (on Pac Ave, for those in the area and interested). The cupcakes were so cute, and we enjoyed them tons! They looked really gorgeous, also.
Angela's mocha cupcake.
My mom's chocolate with vanilla buttercream cupcake. I forgot to take a picture of my own.
My mom bought me a Hello, Cupcake tshirt!
Finally, I'll leave you with a picture of Angela and I diva-ing it up. Night, all!
My birthday was wonderful. Although, it's turning into a birthweek practically! Well, a birththreedays, anyway. But it's been fun, so far.
Today I had class, and then I met my mom at the hospital where we both work for lunch. She also bought me an apple shaped, organic, whole wheat cookie that was so yummy, even if it was chock full of butter! After our quick lunch she went back to work, and I went upstairs to start my own shift.
I went to dinner at around 5:15, and as I was headed for the breakroom, Angela and Dana came out. Angela was holding the absolute cutest little coconut lime cupcake, vegan of course, because that's how she rolls. She had made me a dozen cupcakes, and Dana had made me my pumpkin pie (so very yum). We went down to the cafeteria, where we scarfed down sugary sweet goodness. Dana also had presents. She bought me a watercolor by number and an oil paint by number, so I am excited to get my structured creativity on!
Angela commemorated the whole event with her digital camera, but has yet to email me the pictures. Hopefully I can post them later today when I post my pictures of our cupcake adventure with my mommy.
I've been 25 years old for the last 34 minutes. I'm ancient. :) Happy Birthday to me!
My birthday plans were somewhat altered today, as tonight was Chris's night with our dad. This means that instead of my family party with my mom tonight, I had family part with my dad, and then my mom will be Wednesday night. Actually this worked out better than the original plan, because otherwise I don't know when I would have seen my dad.
I wasn't expecting a gift from my dad, because he bought my gift this summer. We were supposed to see The Cure at the Key Arena last night, but the band cancelled that show. This breaks my heart, because The Cure is my favorite band. However, the tickets are good for the Sasquatch Festival later this year, so Chris and I are going with out other brother, Bryan. My dad won't be able to make it, which is too bad, but Bryan is a good replacement. But anyway, so I wasn't expecting anything. However, my dad gave me this grand card that plays Wang Chung when you open it (too rad), and in the card was $100. I'm already shopping in my brain, pondering all the things I want!
We went out to dinner at The Rock, which is my favorite pizza place in Tacoma. It was good food, and good company, and I am definitely stuffed. I need to eat less. My Risperidal pounds are getting me down. But I make an exception on a birthday. I can diet tomorrow.
It's coming up, folks! I am getting old! This Tuesday, the 9th, is my 25th birthday, and I am excited. I was really stressed out at first, because my schedule has just been so busy, and I have to work this Tuesday. However, I've solved my problems with scheduling, and birthday plans are in the air!
Tomorrow (today?) I am going to therapy at 10, and then my internship from 12 - 5, as per usual, but after that is my birthday dinner with the family. My youngest brother, Chris, made me a cheesecake with strawberry whipped cream topping. I'll take pictures. So far, it looks good! So tomorrow is birthday dinner and dessert with my family, which will be low key, but fun.
My actualy birthday will be less exciting. I have class from 10:30 - 12:45, and then I work from 2:15 - 10:45. However, Dana is making me pumpkin pie, and bringing it in to work. I so love pumpkin pie. It makes me happy in my tum. So that's my actual boring birthday.
I am supposed to be at my internship on Wednesday from 9 - 4, but instead I am going to spend the day with my friends, and then go out that night. My mom is taking Dana, maybe Angela, and I to this cute bakery on Pacific Ave in Tacoma called Hello, Cupcake. They have all these designer cupcakes, and the decor is so adorable. Angela and I are also going to go shopping for craft supplies for my bottle tree. That is my birthday present from her. I am really excited about that. And then that night
Today I worked. It was a pretty boring day, at first, with a lot of really needy patients, so I was just running around getting stuff for people. I'd left the floor to go to the bathroom, and as I was coming back on, this is what I saw out of the windows:
Granted, I saw it from several stories up, and farther away, but basically I watched as the Atlas Foundry in Tacoma exploded, sending a cloud of fire 1,000 feet up in the air. The whole building shook, and our power flickered. What's funny was I didn't feel the shaking, but I saw the power flicker, and then this huge pillar of flame erupt outside the window. There was damage for a 5 mile radius, and people were being evacuated.
What is really amazing is that out of what were actually three explosions as I believe it was propane tanks blew up, only four people were injured. Three came to my hospital with minor injuries, and one was sent up to Harborview in Seattle. Isn't that amazing?
I paused my movie to play with my pups, and now have some very cute pictures to post! (Ignore the dates in some of the pictures; my mom's camera is new and the dates are all wonky.)
This is Klondike. He loves having his tummy rubbed! He is my baby, and whenever he is feeling neglected, he comes over and sits in front of the laptop, trying to get my attention.
Here is Chris with his baby, Phoebe. Sometimes I think she thinks she's a lap dog, also. She loves to jump up and give us hugs.
Here is my mom's dog, Bella. I was sitting on the bed, and she came over, and just curled up against me to take a nap. Such a cute pup.
Finally, this is my brother. He's weird.
Last night I went to Dana and Drew's house and we watched 1408. I really enjoyed this movie. I expected this movie to be some horror kind of movie, but it wasn't really that kind of movie at all. It definitely tripped me out a bit. Watching this movie at parts is what I imagine LSD to be like.
I kind of feel like I got nothing accomplished today, even though that's not really true. I went to my research class this morning where we had some lectures and spent a lot of time talking about our big project for the quarter. One of our group members was absent, but the other member and I began the first baby steps of our project by discussing possible research questions for our proposal. I'm enjoying getting to know the people in my cohort a little bit better this year. I am at a disadvantage because last year my focus was on relationships outside of school, so while everyone else was bonding and getting to know each other, I was on the outside. I'm pushing myself to talk to more people this year. I hope to feel like I really belong by the time I graduate with these people in the spring.
Anyway, that was kind of a tangent. But I got school stuff accomplished. I also went to the doctor's office for my yearly check-up (oh joy). It was a new ARNP, and I'm honestly not sure how I felt about her. She reccommended that I get an IUD, which I really didn't like, and so that was a turnoff. Also, her bedside manner was a little abrupt. She meant well, definitely, but some of the things she said were a little thoughtless.
I finally refilled my prescription at Target today. I ran out three days ago, which is no good. But I am refilled and good for another two weeks.
Then I came home and took the world's longest nap. Lazy. I didn't do any of my reading, so I will be up for a bit doing that. I wanted to read two chapters in two different books. One is for my practicum class and one is for therapy. When I went to therapy last Monday I didn't have anything to contribute, because I had been ignoring the workbook I am supposed to be using, so I want to make an effort this week.
I'm watching The King with Gael Garcia Bernal, and it's very weird. I'm getting kind of a creeper vibe from it, which is not really what I'm looking for in a movie right now. I want something that makes me feel good, not skeeved out. So yeah. That's that. I'm pretty sure the main character is flirting with his half sister, who doesn't know he's her brother. So gross.
I am so happy. I have never been so tired in my life, but I am doing something. Actually, I am doing lots of things. I didn't go to school this summer because I thought the break would be nice, but I was seriously mistaken. I actually tried to enroll for summer classes at one point, but it was too late to do that, unfortunately. It didn't help that I was forced to take a medical leave of absence from work, so there was a period of time there where I was literally doing nothing, and not making money on top of everything! I am blessed with three very special friends, though, who did their best to keep me busy and help me through my health crisis. Adina, Dana and Angela, you three are amazing. I wouldn't have made it through this summer unscathed without you.
But the long and short of it, and the reason I write this post tonight, is that I am loving being busy, doing something productive, and helping people who aren't me. I've had enough of all the selfish people who've come in and out of my life, and I'm glad to be doing something, and meeting people who share my interest in doing something, that will make the world a better place. I have met so many enriching people through my internship, and I am so glad that I am where I am. I am exactly where I need to be right now, and I have the right people in my life, and I am happy.
I want a connection, something meaningful
Wednesday, October 3, 2007 | Classifications:: Art, Body Image, Entertainment, KlondikeI don't think I'm ever going to get it. That's not true. It just feels that way, sometimes.
I am sitting here watchcing my new favorite show, Pushing Daisies. Isn't that what it's called? It is amazing. It's like a fairy tale, only the main character just said, "That's how I roll." Dude, that's my line! And it has Kristen Chenoweth, otherwise known as Glinda from Wicked. Uh, hello? I love her. Whenever I'm listening to Wicked in the car (and by listening I mean singing at the TOP of my lungs) I always pretend I'm Glinda. So rad. I also really like Anna Friel. She is in two of my favorite movies: A Midsummer's Night's Dream and Me Without You, which is a movie I can identify with lately. If you haven't seen that one, I highly reccomend it. But this new show is fantastic.
I've been drinking a lot of beer lately. Well, not a lot, as in not several at a time, but a lot as in one each night for the last three days. I'm saving the bottles for my tree. I'm thinking the creation date might not happen until November if I don't get that day off at the end of October, and that will make me sad, but it also gives me time to collect bottles. And I also need Christmas lights, because I am going to string them in my tree. I can't wait to take a picture. And how cool will it sound in the wind? All those bottles....
I think that the biggest reason I feel fat all the time is that my boobs are so freaking mammoth. Seriously, it's inappropriate how big they are, and really? Fuck that. I am going to try to lose some weight and make them smaller, but if that doesn't work I am seriously considering an anti-boob job. 'Cause I am sick of this.
I am so tired. Week two with all of these committments is starting to wear on me. I just want to sleep in. That's all. It's so hard. But I know it will be worth it, and it does feel good to be so productive and successful.
Klondike was taking a nap at the foot of my bed, and then I looked up at him, and he perked up, and crawled over to my lap, climbed up onto my (massive) chest, and started giving me kisses. He apparently thought I looked lonely. He is so cute.
Slipping into the school year like it's my favorite pair of jeans...
| Classifications:: Friends, ReflectionMan, I am feeling so accomplished lately! I'm tired, sure, and I don't have much free time, but when I did have free time, I never did anything with it, so what's the difference? I am getting stuff done! I am making progress in my life, and doing what I need to do to be the best person I can be!
Lately a lot of my professors have been talking about integrity and how that relates to the social work profession. It's gotten me thinking about integrity in my daily life. Whenever I'm faced with an opportunity, a crossroads, to use an incredibly trite metaphor, I find myself thinking about what I want to do to "save my arse", and what I need to do to maintain my integrity and be the kind of person who is worth knowing. It's a value that I am beginning to prize, because so many things go along with it, like honesty. And respect, I think, because if you act with integrity you are respecting yourself, and you are respecting the people you interact with.
Life is a continuum, and I am constantly growing and learning. I want to be a better person, and I want to live a life that is worthy.
I had to best conversation with my friend Andrea earlier today. I was supposed to call her after work, but my Onnie called and we talked for awhile. But I just had FUN talking to Andrea, and all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with how much I missed her. I don't know. It was just good to connect with her, and feel like not only did we really understand where the other person was coming from, but that we were coming from very similar points of view to begin with.
Well, I am going to go watch The Joy Luck Club while I try to fall asleep. Night, all.
Wow. Three posts in one day! A record!
I think, at the ripe old age of almost25, I am becoming an adult. I've spent the last month and a half being very hurt, and sad, because a very good friend decided to end our friendship. I've been angry, and upset, and hurt, and all those other unpleasant adjectives that accompany an end to a relationship, and I've been petty.
I'm tired of being hurt, and I'm tired of being mad. It isn't what I wanted, but I can't change that. I am tired of reading myspace surveys about her "new best friend", and I'm tired of thinking of all the ways I could show how hurt I am. Because truthfully? I don't think she'd care, and that's okay. It amazes me that an almost 10 year relationship can end overnight. It amazes me that people can just walk away from a history like that. It hurts me that it's over, but I'm done dwelling on it.
I have so many amazing friends. Adina, Angela and Dana are more than any one person could ask for, and the girls from school, Amanda and Tyne, and others, are so special. I am really lucky, and that's all that matters.
This is the cutest music video ever. Whoever made this is amazing. This is my absolute FAVORITE song, and the little claymation loves are so rad.
Have a good night. I hope you all are as loved as I am.
My current favorite word is catharsis.
| Classifications:: Change, Family, Healthy Lifestyle, Holidays, My Birthday, WorkMy brother is joining the Marines. I want to cry. I am pretty sure that my mom actually is crying right now. It's hard. I am frustrated. Not about him joining the Marines, although if I am being supremely selfish, I'd rather he didn't. It's a very heated topic amongst my family members, and I just pissed my youngest brother off because we have differing opinions about Bryan's joining. I'm pissed off at my family's poor show of support over Bryan's decision. It's not my preference, for sure, because I worry about him, but he is family, and you support family, and especially when the decision is something as big as this one.
So I'm annoyed.
Still feel fat. I'm going to try to cut out fast food, and buying meals anywhere except at my internship, because we all eat together there, so it's kind of a big deal. But other than the internship, I refuse to eat out. Well, I'm going to try to stop eating out. More water, less soda, more tea, less soda, and less fat (I mean fast) food. I need to change something. I'm tired of feeling like a big fat blob, so time for a change.
My birthday is a week from tomorrow. Next Tuesday I will be a quarter of a century old. Ancient. When I told me therapist, she told me I was still a baby. I love her.
I've decided I'm sick of my hair, and so I'm growing out my bangs. I think that will be a more mature look. To compliment the fact that I'm an old lady. I wish my hair were thicker. Is there something you can do about that? Some kind of multivitamin or supplement? Wouldn't that be rad?
I wish I had a job that I loved. My mom and I are discussing the holidays that we work this year, and I always get stressed when the holidays roll around at my current employer. It's all just too much. I was at my internship when they were discussing holidays, and all I could think was how holidays must be so much fun to work there. I hate that I hate my job, but I'm only there for another year. I'm so close, and this year is so hard as a result!
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