yet another in class update

Gosh, I am the worst student ever! Here is yet another update from my research class, because I would rather blog than listen to lectures on research methods in social work.

I'm feeling a little bit better about my prognosis this quarter, gradewise. I got 11/15 on my research questionnaire, which isn't amazing, but let's be honest, is passing, so I'll take it. I talked with my group members about our project due next Friday, and I feel much better about the amount of work that I have done, as well as my encounter with my group member Wednesday night. I think a lot of the confrontation had more to do with her being worried about her own grade, and less to do with me, and I can understand that concern. I would've handled it differently, but c'est la vie. No biggie; I think we're good.

I am still having a really hard time getting up in the morning. I have a couple of potential reasons for that. First, being in the first days of a new Lithium prescription has left me kind of wonky. Sleepy, lessened appetite, kind of nauseous. Also, my back has been in a lot of pain these last couple of days, so I've been utilizing the Percocet I got a couple of weeks ago. I think the combined efforts of the two have left me a little SLEEPY.

I am coming up on the last week of class, and I have never been so happy to see the end of a quarter in my life. I am tired. And I can't wait to have a day to clean my room without having to worry about homework/class in the morning. I'll still be working both at my job and at my internship over the break, but I think it will be an easier schedule nonetheless.

I finally wrote the outline for my paper on AIDS and the GLBT community, so I feel a lot better. It's really hard for me to wrap my head around such a huge concept without an outlinen to guide me. Also, once I have the outline it's a lot easier to flesh the paper out in a day. So I feel a lot better about that.

My mom and I are going to see Tegan and Sara on Monday, and I am very excited about that. My mom has never listened to them before, so I hope that she likes them. It should be a lot of fun. Good bonding time for us. I wish I were getting paid before the concert, but I'm not, so I'll just have to be broke. Ah well.

We heard from Bryan the other day. He called my mom at work. He's really enjoying boot camp (weirdo), and has even had time to post a new picture on his myspace.

Sorry for the novel. I think I tend to write more when I'm trying to tune out boring lectures on research. Ugh. Bad student.

argh.

I am really depressed today. I'm having a hard time getting over my conversation with my classmate last night, and I'm really letting it get to me. I had a morning where I was just too depressed to get out of bed, too depressed to dress for being around people, but I sucked it up, got out of bed, and made a minor effort at least to make sure I was fully clothed before leaving the house.

I'm stressed about school. I'm too tired to think. And I'm having a really hard time finding the motivation to drag my ass out of bed in the morning.

My moment of sporadic bitchiness.

I hate today. It started out really good, actually, except that I felt fat in what I was wearing. But if you ignore that superficial, girly crap, then today (yesterday, I guess) started out really good.

I got to my internship early, coffee in my Grizz mug that Bryan gave me when he left for boot camp. I had a very productive day. I talked with a client about developing our resource center, I helped another client with some stuff he'd been worrying about for a long while, and I got a start on the computer class I'll be working on with the clients. I'm really enjoying the other staff at the agency, as well as a lot of the clients I work with. It was a good day.

Then I got to class, and my good friend Amanda told me a secret. It was a really good secret. It was an even better day.

And then it wasn't. I'm stressed about the end of the quarter, and I know my classmates are, too. One of my classmates made a comment about how hard it is to get me to do work in class, and referenced how I apparently never do the reading, and I was pretty overwhelmed. I work. I work hard. I am so tired most of the time that I want to cry. And it was just more than I could take.

I've felt guilty all night whenever I've done something that wasn't directly related to school. I've cancelled plans to go to the PCAF event at the art museum on Friday, because I think I've just got too much on my plate.

I just need to remind myself that the quarter is one week away from being over, and I graduate this spring. I just need to pull through until this spring.

But my feelings were really hurt.

Tomorrow Angela is coming over to watch me write my paper. Kidding. Although I will be finishing up my research project, and starting my AIDS paper. But it will be good to see her, even if I won't be much fun.

headache worthy.

Today I have the biggest headache. I had the headache when I woke up (the aftermath of halving my Risperdal dosage), but it increased as I spent hours back and forth on the phone with my doctor's office while waiting at the Target pharmacy for the correct prescription to be called in. But my waiting paid off, and I got my new prescription for $4. Amazing.

The woman at the Group Health lab was amazing today. The new medication requires me to have levels tested every so often, and today I had to get my baseline labs done so that I can take the new meds tonight. She loved my Mexican purse, and told me she studied 8 years of Spanish. She kept switching from Spanish to English, and was fun as heck. Also, we share the same birthday, so that was rad.

This morning in class we walked over to the Tacoma Art Museum to see the panels from the Names Project: AIDS Quilt. It was pretty moving. I wish that I could have seen more than just the two panels. Did you know that the last time the quilt was displayed in it's entirety was in 1996, because it's simply too big to be shown in a venue that is accessible to the masses? I wish I could have seen it then. The little display at the Art Museum is good, but too small.

Dana and I are going to the Names Project/Pierce County AIDS Foundation Event at the Tacoma Art Museum this Friday evening. It should be fun. Both PCAF and the Names Project are 20 years old this year!

I need to do some homework this evening (read LOTS of homework), but I think I'm going to take a nap first. I am so tired. So tired.

huh.

This wonderful woman that I work with has decided to work for me tomorrow so that I can work on all of my projects for work and internship. I am so overwhelmed.

Tonight I drove up to visit the guy I met through eharmony. That was okay.

I'm tired. I think I might sleep. But after the Sarah Silverman show. It's so weird.

my brother wears combat boots.

So tonight Bryan flew into San Diego, where he'll be in Marine Corps Boot Camp for the next three months. I got to talk to him this morning, briefly, and then realized like an idiot after we hung up that today was his birthday, and I forgot to wish him a happy one! My mom did, as well, and we were both sick over it, but after making several phone calls to his friend Gretchen, we were able to get ahold of him and say Happy Birthday. He told us we were weird. I love him.

Tonight I am watching the Planet Earth Pole to Pole documentary. It's really interesting, but also kind of sad, because I don't like watching the animals that die do so.

I am so tired I don't know how I am going to make it through the end of the quarter, but if I do I definitely have my mom to thank for it! I told her how overwhelmed I was, and she spent her evening while I was at work googling research for my paper on HIV/AIDS and the GLBT community for me. I love that.

I talked to my dad today. He seems sick over Bryan's decision, and I think he feels like he has no one to really talk to about it. That makes me sad.

My mom is going to see Tegan & Sara with me on December 3, as Angela accidentally picked up a shift that day. Boo Angela! :) Kidding, I saw Angela at work today, and was very happy about it.

I'm tired, and I have therapy in the morning. Good night, all.

In case you were wondering?

I do not want my brother to leave tomorrow.

Just thought I'd share. I'm scared.

Kay, that's all.

Black Friday? I think not.

I am so tired. Today was a busy day. Bryan and I were out late with Dana last night, so getting up at 9am this morning was a bit of a challenge. I know some of you crazy people were up much earlier, but 9 was early enough for these kids!

We drove out to Pt. Angeles to see my dad as planned, and on our way out I spent much of my time dealing with the car people about my car repairs. I needed a new battery and a new alternator, so that bumped the cost up to $406, which I didn't have. My mom tried to find a cheaper battery to bring into him, but she isn't a car person and didn't know where to look. I called the repairman back, and he said he'd install the battery and cut the cost a little bit for us, which I really appreciated.

When I got to my dad's house he gave me an extra hundred on top of the $300 he promised me, so that I could get my car without overdrafting. Amazing. We had a yummy lunch of turkey sandwiches, and Bryan and my dad talked about the Marines all day, while I basically tried not to fall asleep.



I definitely think something is going to have to be done about my medications. Halving the dose of my mood stabilizer is having a negative effect, I think, and I was starting to feel pretty desperate today. I think I am going to call my psychiatrist's office on Monday and see if I can get him to change my prescription before my visit in a week. The plus side is that the new prescription will only cost $4 at Target! Very exciting.

We got home, but I was still pretty high strung when my brothers, mom and I met Joe and my grandma at a mexican restaurant for dinner. I drove Bryan nuts with all of my picture taking, but I got some good ones! I am really going to miss him when he leaves for Missoula tomorrow. He has no cell phone, and he leaves for Butte, and then boot camp in San Diego for three months on Sunday. I am going to miss his phone calls so much. I'm pretty sick over it. I already miss him.





I'm very excited that when I got home tonight my Mixtape Zines had come in the mail!



I can't wait to cuddle up in my bed reading my zines and watching a tape of the most recent SVU episode. Yummy.

Turkeys!

I told Dana that I would meet her at Shari's after she gets off work for pumpkin pie. I wish I'd said for drinks instead. I could use a drink. Or three. I want to do more than go to Shari's and eat. I've eaten enough today!

Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. First, it was just amazing to wake up whenever I wanted this morning, and not have anywhere to be. Love. And I just really enjoyed spending time with my family.

I watched It's A Wonderful Life this morning with Bryan, which was fun. It's definitely one of my favorite Christmas movies ever. I took a little nap, which was good. I talked to my dad, which was also good. Bryan and I are driving out to Pt. Angeles tomorrow to visit them. I'm excited to see him.

Bryan and I were watching one of the Planet Earth discs while we waited for dinner to cook. I am excited to watch the whole series. It was amazing. We also played some Cranium, with Bryan and I as the power team (we are undefeated), Chris and Mom as a team, and then Joe and Grandma making up the last team. Bryan and I won by forfeit, so are records remain perfect!

My new flannel sheets are soooo amazing. Sooooo comfortable. I didn't even mean to take a nap earlier today. I just sat on the bed with the laptop, and that was that. I was out.

Amazing thing that happened today! My mom gave me her digital camera. The camera I got last year wasn't all it promised to be, and she'd been looking for a new one that would be a good fit for me. Anyway, she couldn't find a camera that had all she had, in her price range, and hot pink (hers is HOT PINK!), so instead she is buying one for herself, and giving me the rad hot pink one. I am so happy.

I hope you all had a happy, yummy, tummies full Thanksgiving.

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful."
—Buddha

metropolitan market

Where the heck have I been? I didn't know you could get colored cauliflower! Angela and I went to Metropolitan Market today after she picked me up from my internship. I love Metropolitan Market. It was pretty crowded with the night before Thanksgiving shoppers doing some last minute business. The air was festive, though, and Angela bought some yummy foodstuffs!



The apples are Honeycrisp, and according to my Practicum Instructor, they are the apples to eat this year. They looked gorgeous. I want to try one.

I got a phone call from my dad today. He wanted to know how much it would cost to get my car fixed, and offered to pay for it. I called my mom to tell her, and she and Joe went to my car and had AAA tow it to the car fixing place. It will be worked on first thing Friday morning, and I am so happy. They took care of all of this while I was at work, so I didn't even have to worry about it.

BTW, if any of you watch Private Practice, I am so freaking glad Sam and Naomi had the sex. Love it.

overcoming whelmed

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm trying to work on changing that. I keep thinking about all the things in my life that aren't where I want them to be, and all the things I've lost in the past, and instead I think I need to just take some time and relish where I am.

I don't need to be trying to find someone to date right now. That would be nice if it came along, but I can't keep trying to force these experiences on top of working and going to school. I want my time to revolve around me and my experiences. I don't want to miss anything. This is an exciting time in my life, and a time when it's okay to be a little selfish, and I'm just gonna go with that.

I am so looking forward to two whole days off on Thursday and Friday. I want to work on some Christmas stuff for myspace. I want to clean my room and bathroom, and do some laundrey. I want to sleep in!

Because of my car I won't be going to my internship for Thanksgiving, and I'm disappointed about that, but oh well. With any luck, I'll be working here next year, and it won't matter!

And as for my car? I'm just going to stress until my car is parked in my front lawn instead of the side of the road, and then I'm gonna wait it out until I get paid, and we'll see where that leaves us. I am so sick with worry, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

seriously?

So I'm driving home tonight, listening to my new favorite song "The Way I Am" on my ipod, when all of a sudden the stereo gets really quiet and stops working. Then my dashboard lights dim. And then? My car dies. Right in front of the Jack in the Box in downtown Tacoma. Nice.

So these three amazing guys push my into a parking spot in the Jack in the Box parking lot. I call my brother, and a whole hoard of other people, and finally Bryan shows up with my mom's car, and Angela shows up with jumper cables.

My alternator is broken. Or whatever. We charged my battery, and Angela (amazing friend) filled my gas tank, and I headed home. I almost made it.

My poor car is now sitting the side of a lonely road in Gig Harbor, waiting for someone to charge it enough to drive home. And then I'll have to get it fixed. Which I can't afford.

I quit. It turns out I suck at this life thing.

i'm mentally preparing for those who know me to start yelling.

So maybe three weeks ago I ran out of my anti-depressants. They only cost $4 at Target, but I didn't have $4 at the time, and besides, I figured my mood stabilizer would be responsible for, well, stabilizing my mood.

I may have been wrong. Except I was definitely wrong.

I had my emergency psych visit today, and was a little upset that I hauled ass over to the specialty center last night, only to find out my labs hadn't been read this morning, but whatev. I don't need the lab to tell me that what's happening is happening. It's pretty much obvious.

At the risk of oversharing, my mood stabilizer caused me to start lactating. Um, hello? I'm 25, single, no kids, never been pregnant. WTF? So this is so humiliating, I feel like my body is betraying me, I feel like a freak, and I'm uber-depressed because of that, but also on top of it because I decided once again to play doctor and mess with my meds. Which was dumb.

So now they are halving my mood stabilizer, hoping that will stop the lactation, and adding another ten mgs onto my anti-depressant. If the lactation continues they may have to put me on a traditional mood stabilizer, instead of an atypical antypsychotic masking as a mood stabilizer.

I'm tired. I don't want to go to work today. So I put on my favorite hot pink Christmas scrubs (I know, it's not after thanksgiving yet, I broke my own rule), and fixed my hair really cute. It helps.

I'm still sad, but I know eventually I'll get a handle on it. And I'm not as alone as I think I am. I'm letting someone else's depression make mine worse, and that's not cool.

For work we are doing this contest on my floor where you post pictures of yourself now, and pictures of yourself in high school, and you have to guess who's who. These are the pictures I'm using:



Not much of a difference. Well, okay, maybe a 50 poundish difference, but still. I basically look like me.

I guess I should get off the computer and go do something productive. I feel so blah.

window shopping always cheers me up.

I'm moody. I'm depressed. I'm hurt. So what do I do?

I window shop. I love all of these things so much, especially Camille's pendant! Ooh la la!

pieces of me

I'm going through a very hard time right now. One of my medications is having a really inappropriate side effect, and I had to have lab work done, and have a last minute appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow morning. I am too tired to deal with life, and I really wish that I had a sick day to use. I actually wish I could quit my job. I am so miserable there, and I have so much stuff I need to be doing.

I am unsure if they are going to change my medications or not tomorrow, and I'm a little nervous. But I don't exactly feel stable now, and I'm single so I don't need to worry about alienating anyone else, so now is as good a time as any.

I am so depressed. I haven't filled my Celexa in two weeks. That may be contributing to it.

Eharmony guy isn't feeling like he's ready to date anybody right now, and I am also pretty sure he isn't talking to me, at least at the moment, so that is that. He did ask if I didn't want to be his friend, but I had already signed out of msn, and he wasn't online by the time I got the message. I don't know. I feel all twisted. I would like to be his friend, though. I just feel like everything is all fucked up.

I'm too tired to deal with life tomorrow, and instead I have a really busy day. 9am appointment with psychiatrist, 10:30 class, work at 2:15. I don't know.

I feel so alone. I feel like my body is betraying me, and I feel like nobody understands. Nobody could. And because nobody understands, and I am so embarrassed, I pretty much feel like I have no one to talk to. There's no one there. Except me. And I'm growing kind of tired of my company.

Also, I cancelled eharmony again. I just don't think it's for me. Everytime I meet a guy I like on eharmony, he decides he's not in a place in his life where he can date someone.

Or he pees on himself.

Either way, I'm through.

No Longer NaBloPoMoing.

Well, I didn't get the chance to do my Sunday post, and while a part of me is moody that I "failed", a part of me is relieved. Man, it began to feel kind of silly to be writing just for the sake of writing, without anything interesting to say. I guess the point is to challenge me to find something interesting? Or that's a point, anyway, but it was becoming too much work, and I had a better time not posting, and living life instead.

Tonight was quite possibly the worst night at work that our floor has seen in quite awhile. The whole hospital was super short, and it just felt like everything was going on at once. Also, my relief showed up late, so I ended up working thirty minutes of overtime. Too much, and I am tired.

Seester Dana and I went out to Shari's after work. We caught up, as we haven't hung out since the Brand New/Thrice concert, I think. I miss my Daner.

Tomorrow Bryan, Chris and I are going up to Seattle to see my dad. It should be fun. I haven't seen my dad in awhile.

Sorry, I'm too tired for this.

here, take my sweater

I am so tired. I just got home from coffee date with boy from eharmony, and it went very well. I can't believe I'm typing this up now, instead of going to bed, but c'est la vie.

I met him at a Starbucks in Newcastle, and after getting out drinks we went for a drive. He drove to some lake, and we sat in the car and talked for awhile, before deciding to go for a walk. He drove us to his apartment to park his car, and then we went for a walk to this little dock that looked like it was rotting before our eyes, and then to another, more sturdy dock where we stood and talked for a bit.

We went back to his apartment, and started watching Transformers, but stopped it a little bit into the movie, because he was hungry. We went to Taco Time (you all know how lovingly I feel about Taco Time), and then we went to this skate park where he began to teach me how to rollerblade. I haven't had a pair of rollerblades on since I was a junior in highschool! So needless to say, I was kind of a wuss, and was a little disappointed in myself, but he seemed impressed I tried at all.

We finished our movie at his apartment, and then just spent time cuddling, and asking random questions. I like him muchly, and he appears to feel similarly. So that is nice. He said I'm cute in my pictures, but much cuter in person.

We ended up going to Denny's late, and then he drove me back to my car and I drove home. Where I am exhausted, and so you are getting a boring narrative, instead of my usual sparkeling wit, haha. I work tomorrow, so I must SLEEP!

I'm very excited to see him again.

Online Dating

A lot of you know that I've been messing around with online dating recently, so when I got the opportunity to post about www.primedatingsites.com, I was intrigued. I've done online dating off and on over the years, and one of the hardest steps in committing to online dating is finding out which site is right for me. The great thing about www.primedatingsites.com is that it has all the major online dating sites broken down, and it tells you about them and helps you decide which fits best.

For example, Eharmony is a really good fit for me, because it's aimed towards singles who are looking for long term relationships with marriage as the ultimate goal. There are no searches on eharmony because eharmony uses a compatability profile to match you up with the people who you are most compatible with. It's reassuring to know that the majority of the people I meet are looking for the same things I am.

Lavalife, on the other hand, would not be a good site for me, as it tends to target people who are looking for more casual dating or even intimate encounters. This is information that I wouldn't have known if I hadn't looked it up on www.primedatingsites.com. All in all, I think it's a pretty interesting idea, and a good resource for someone looking into online dating.

This post sponsored by www.primedatingsites.com.

what i love

This song by Ingrid Michaelson, which you may recognize from the Old Navy sweater commercials. I honestly feel right now this is my favorite romance song out there.


Joey's new bedroom. Joe had been sleeping on one of those cloth foldout sleeper chairs on the floor of Chris's room, until he had what he feels is a brilliant idea. We have a closet underneath our stairs, complete with slanted "ceiling", which Joe has requested we let him sleep in, a la Harry Potter. It even has shelves for him to put all of his stuff on. He loves it. I think that's so cute/funny!

Joey, period. Tonight I was on the phone with eharmony guy, and Joe came into my room, whispering. Guy on the phone asked who we were whispering to, and I told him my cousin was whispering. Then I sent Joe downstairs, telling him I would come find him once I got off the phone. I went downstairs to see what he needed. He had been waiting for me to get off the phone so that he could tell me good night. Do they come any sweeter or cuter? I do not think so.

Simbiosis by Julia. I found Julia's stuff on Etsy, and am so in love with her little change purses. I bought a Russian fairytale one for myself, and then a little French one for a lucky Christmas recipient. She accidentally sent the wrong one, and when I mentioned it to her she sent the French one out, and had me keep the mistaken one. That was above and beyond for customer service, and the product is so cute! And she sends little packages in her packages with cute erasers, stickers,etc.... Very cute.

Coffee. Or rather, coffee dates. Eharmony boy and I are meeting halfway between Tacoma and Seattle for coffee tomorrow. We talked on the phone for 57 minutes tonight. I am excited enough.

Curls. I've decided if I attack the curls with hairspray they'll have to stay! I'm debating if I want curls tomorrow or not. I think they may be too much for a coffee date. But gosh, I LOVE those curls.

Being basically done with my Christmas shopping. I am so excited about my grandma's present, especially. I want so bad to say what it is here, but she reads my blog sometimes, and I don't want her to know what the best gift ever is. Yet.

Project Playlist. I just set up a playlist for my myspace. I love it.

I don't really have anything of note to write about today. Except that Angela gave me her curling iron, and I cannot get my hair to hold the damn curl. And I don't want to try it with hairspray, because I'll just sleep, and the hairspray will get all wonky. So I'll try tomorrow. But I pretty much want to beat the curling iron to a bloody death.

This NaBloPoMo thing is killing me.

I'm so tired I want to cry.

I'll probably watch Law & Order and go to bed by midnight instead.

I caved into my split ends today and got a haircut. The girl who cut it was so funny.



I like the curls. Angela is giving me her largely barreled curling iron, which makes me happy. I'm digging the curls. Which is a good thing, because I don't want to wash my hair twice today after washing it last night, so I'm sleeping with the curls.

I'm gonna go. Law & Order, and a bag of cool ranch doritos, calling my name.

this is where i am right now, and the only place i know how to be

I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure in the landscape-the lonliness of it-the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it-the whole story doesn't show.
-Andrew Wyeth



Yesterday I talked to a boy, and he told me he thought I was cute. That feels good. A boy hasn't told me I was cute in awhile.

I have to go back to work tonight. I am tired of my job. I am burnt out on being a nursing assistant. And I am very burnt out on working evening shifts, but there isn't much I can do until I graduate. It just can't come soon enough. But I'm halfway through the quarter, and do you know what that means? In two and a half quarters I will be a social worker. I almost can't believe it. I'm a little scared.

Today in our admin meeting at my internship we went over the deliverables for one of our grants, and in doing that I ended up with a lot more responsibility. A couple of weeks ago my task instructor told me she wanted me to take on another staff member's cases. Today that was changed, and now I am going to (with that staff member's help) be opening my own cases, from scratch. I am scared and excited. I am also going to start teaching a basic computer class at my internship for the clients. I'll be teaching it weekly, and I am so nervous. I don't know how to teach, and I really am not supremely confident in my computer skills. I don't know if I know enough. I mean, I do at first. My first classes will literally be how to use a mouse, how to save a file, how to properly turn off a computer. And there will be some typing classes in there, too, using the Mavis Beacon software. But beyond that? I don't know if I know enough to teach. Like I said, it's exciting change, but I'm nervous. All of this is on top of my other projects at the agency. I'm scared. And I feel unprepared.

That's not very vegan.

I just finished watching Gandhi. It was amazing.

I am very excited, because the other day I ordered my copies of mixtapezine, and I am eagerly awaiting their arrival! I love mail, I love zines, and I love things that are crafty. I am excited.

Work was not bad. I was glad to be doing something productive, and I got to work in the ER transition unit tonight, which is very different from where I usually work. I welcomed the change. Also, one of my very bestest friends, Angela, works in the ER, so I got to see her, albeit briefly.

Also, while working in the ERT I ran into a guy, Joe, who I used to work with for a short time at McDonald's back in 2000ish. I met him senior year, because he was good friends with my exboyfriend/first love, Donovan. It was nice to see Joe and catch up. Well, as much as we could. ERT is much more hectic than I am used to in some ways.

I talked to poor Adina tonight (last night, I guess). Her voice is GONE. I laughed a little bit, even though it's not funny at all.

Today is my first day back at work. I'm excited.

I've been watching a lot of movies lately. I'm currently watching Gandhi, and parts of it are very hard to watch. The world is such a sad, unjust place sometimes, and it hurts me because I am only one person, and I can make a difference in my world, but what can I do to make a difference in the larger world? I can't change people. The Bristish people just killed 1,560 innocent Indian protestors in this movie. Can you imagine killing (or watching people kill) 1,560 people, including children? My heart hurts. I think that in addition to being incredibly smart and self aware, Gandhi is probably the cutest man to ever live. It's because he radiated peacefulness. And knowledge.

I watched Pan's Labyrinth yesterday, finally. It was very good, although again, parts of it were hard to watch. I have a difficult time watching senseless cruelty. But the story was good, and the movie is great for people with Imagination.

I met someone on eharmony who I have more than a little bit of a crush on. His sense of humor is excellent, and so far he gets me. So maybe my rash decision wasn't such a bad one after all.

Well, I should get ready for work. I'm excited to be doing something productive and out of the house. And I'm eager to rebuild my stamina. It's been a tough month in regards to working and stuff.

America's Next Top Model

I am so annoyed with this show! I can't believe they let Renee go home, because they think she looks old? Are they on drugs? Are they blind? And she consistently had most of the best pictures of the three finalists.

Natasha is a fake son of a B, and I don't like her phoniness and her overinflated ego. She pushes people away with her innapropriate "oh they're jealous of me" attitude, and then exudes fake warmth around the judges. Vomit.

This is what happens when I don't go to work. I waste a day watching America's Next Top Model marathon.

My last day off for a long time.

So I took today off, and it's the last day I'm gonna be out on my back injury. I feel half guilty, but ultimately I think it's the right thing to do. If I go back to work too soon, and it does still hurt, than I can't call in without it being another occurance, which means I can't call in at all. I don't want to risk aggravating the injury in such a way that I wouldn't be able to work, but would not be able to take time off. So one more day, even though I know my mom is going to give me grief.

As I said earlier, all this time off has prompted me to step up my paid blogging. I know it can be really annoying if every time you go to a blog you are overwhelmed with these sponsored posts, but ultimately I've made $113 this month blogging for payperpost, and that's really going to help supplement my income now that I have been out of work for four days.

I feel like I made the right choice, but I also feel overwhelmingly guilty at the same time. My mom has this ability to get into my head and guilt me like nobody's business. I know she does it because she worries about me, but I worry enough about me for the both of us, and sometimes I wish she would worry less, because it only makes it worse.

My bff Adina was supposed to be in the area this weekend, but poor girl has dual ear infecions, and is sicker than sick. She can't even talk.

How does she do it? My mom isn't even home, and I'm thinking of all the ways I could uncall in, and go to work anyway, because I am stricken with guilt. Ugh.

I was watching America's Next Top Model, and one of the candidates had around 20 tattoos, with one in each of her armpits. The armpit tattoos were actually kind of gross, and I like tattoos. She didn't make it past the first selection process, and she won't be living in the house.

I dropped my cellphone onto a piece of cinnamon toast, and now it's all sticky.

I've decided to clean my mom's living and dining room, and then maybe she will be less annoyed that I chose not to reinjure myself by going to work and lifting patients who are my weight and more. Ugh, I am drenched in the mom guilt, and she doesn't even know I am not working today!

edit: After I typed this I called my mom to tell her I was staying home so I wouldn't feel guilty all day, and she was fine with it, and told me I had to make my own choices and stick by them. So I'm dramatic.

Sorry

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if any of my readers are feeling inundated with my sponsored posts. I have missed a bit of work this last month with both tonsillitis and my stupid back, and I have had quite a bit of Christmas shopping to do, and the extra cash is something that will really help out.

Anyway, please bear with me, and hopefully my normal posts are entertaining enough to keep you all from wanting to give up on me altogether! :)

New stuff!

Today was a very productive day! I had a quiz in my research class. I was a bad girl, and I didn't study or do the reading (tsk, tsk), but I still managed to grab 13.5 out of 15 possible points. Just think how well I would've done if I had studied!

I got a package in the mail today. It was from Danielle. Awhile ago I mentioned her project, A Daughter's Love for her Mother. I bought one of her bracelets, and I'm really pleased with how it looks. It's very simple, but it actually looked great with what I was wearing today.



I also got tons of Christmas shopping done today! I bought presents for my dad, Joe, my grandma, and Adina. I want to try to set up the sewing machine tonight so I can make presents for Dana, Angela, Andrea and her girls. So basically, after those are sewn up, all I will have to do is buy a present for my stepmom, Rhonda, a present for my Onnie, and my last present for my mom. The boys and I are chipping in to buy something really nice, so I should be able to get that in two weeks. I also have to get birthday presents for my dad and Bryan. But I'm basically so close to being done. I can't wait.

Finally, while I was out today I also picked up some little things for myself. I have been in desperate need of some new jeans, so I finally bought a pair today. I'm going to go through my closet and get rid of the older ones. Also, I bought this amazing scarf that I have been lusting after for months:



And these amazing slippers, made from saris:



I'm going to go and try to figure out the stupid sewing machine. Have a great day!

learning to love you more.

Sometimes I feel like I post too much lately, especially with all these advertisements. Do you all feel like I post too much? I guess it shouldn't matter; it's my own blog, but still.

I was looking around online, and I came across learning to love you more, and I am in love. I can't remember where I first heard about learning to love you more, but I know that one of the creators(?) of the project is Miranda July from Me and You and Everyone We Know, which is an amazing film for those who have never seen it. It basically changed my life a little bit.

But learning to love you more is such a fun site to look at! There are all these assignments that you do and document and send back into the site, and then they put them online. So far the assignment I want to do most is #6: make a poster of shadows. If I do, I'll definitely put it online here to show off. I urge everyone to go to this site, and if you do? Please come back here and leave me a comment with your favorite assignment. I'm dying to know which ones other people love and want to do!

Marine's Hymn

I feel a charge in the air when you are near me.

Just thought I'd share. Even though the "you" I mean doesn't read this, or even know it exists.

So I've been listening to the Wicked soundtrack pretty much nonstop for the past day. I love this musical. I love musicals period. I am going to be a great social worker, and doing it will make me happy, but I truly was born to perform. I love it. I rock out in my car.

Tonight we are going to Joe's school for a Veteran's Day performance. It makes me wish I had a video camera. They are going to be singing all kinds of songs for the different branches of the military, but I'd love to get them singing the Marine's Hymn on video. I'm feeling a little bit of Marine pride with my brother and all.

I talk to Bryan every day. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's in boot camp and I can't talk to him for three months.

I finished my Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity midterm and turned it in online tonight. I should feel accomplished. Instead I feel achy and nauseous. WTF? I am always broken.

I wonder if my mom's new camera will take videos. I'll have to test this.

I knew this sounded familiar.

When I chose my latest template for my blog, I really liked the ee cummings quote, and I couldn't figure out why it sounded so familiar. I pondered it over for a couple of days, before I finally remembered.

My senior year my choir took a trip to London, where we participated in a music festival and also sang in many landmarks around England. One day we went to sing at Christ Church at Oxford, and then we had some time to walk around sight seeing. While we took a walking tour of Oxford, I notice some grafitti on a wall. I spent much of the trip taking pictures of bumber stickers, signs and funny names of shops and pubs, so I grabbed my camera and took a picture of the message that had been left for me and others to ponder.



I love it. I had no idea what the quote was from, so it's neat to see how it all came full circle, or whathaveyou.

Argh my back hurts. Just thought I'd share. I've had a lot of meetings/class today, so all I've done is sit, and when I stand up after sitting for so long, it hurts so bad that I walk with a limp.

I saw both of my crushes today. I love that.

I hate when I tell people I love Law & Order SVU, and they tell me how much the love CSI. IT'S NOT THE SAME SHOW! Why, just because I like Law & Order, do you feel I need to know about what a huge CSI fan you are? I don't even like CSI, and I judge people who say that in response to my SVU fandom. Bah.

We interviewed the replacement for my task instructor at my internship today. I like him. He has a good smile. Genuine. And he seems to have a substantial knowledge base. I really liked the way he handled himself while being interviewed by such a crowd of people.

I wish I had a more exciting life, or something more interesting to say.

I hate unrequited crushes.

Things I'm in love with.

mewithoutYou. I saw this band when I went to see Thrice and Brand New with Angela and Dana, and I urge anyone looking for an amazingly quirky yet talented band to enjoy. They were amazing to see live, and I've downloaded some of there songs, and they sound just as good. I didn't know this initially, but they are a Christian group, which is a big turn on for me. Ultimately? mewithoutYou = Love for Me.

This song is amazing.

I heard it on the Mountain this morning while I was driving to school, and fell completely and head over heels in love. I want to have this song's babies.

Etsy, and this shop in particular.

I bought the cutest pendants from Camille, and was really pleased with how they turned out. They're so unique and look really good hanging from just a delicate chain. I want to buy most of my presents for people from Etsy this Christmas, because the gifts will be more unique this way.

A Modern Tale of Faerie.

I read about these books, and knew that I had to read them! I finished Tithe tonight while waiting at the Urgent Care, and now I am reading Valiant. So good.

So that's just a little bit of what I'm loving at the moment. I've already posted today, and now I'm going to have to think of something to post for tomorrow, but C'est la vie, now was the time to write about what I love.

So I didn't go to work today either, because of my back, and this evening I am going to the Group Health Urgent Care to have it looked at. Basically it feels like my back is crushing down on itself, and nothing I can do makes it better. My mom thinks I might have to have a CT or an MRI. I don't know. I don't care. I just want to be able to go to work.

I picked up my grandma and we went to lunch today at Taco Time. I am so in love with the Taco Time kids meal because you get so much for a very small amount of money. For three dollars you get a chicken quesadilla, tater tots, and some cinnamon tortilla things. And a soda. And the helpings are smaller than the regular meal. Which is perfect for a not so starving college student like me. It was fun to have lunch with just my grandma and I.

Apparently my grandma reads my blog. So on the offchance she's reading this, and because I told her I almost did it recently, "Hi Grandma!"

I'm gonna try to take a nap before my trip out to the Urgent Care. Bah.

Manic Monday

Today I showed up at my internship for my supervision hours, only to find out that my task instructor was out of state caring for her sick mom, and also that she was resigning from her position. This makes me feel so bad on a purely selfish level, because she and I have been working on a lot of stuff together, and it just seems so out of the blue. Not that I'm the first person she would tell if she was planning on leaving, not by a longshot, but still....

It's starting to get really cold out, and that is making my back spasm more than it has been. The muscles keep tightening, and it's no fun. But I'm cuddled up in my bed right now watching reruns of Law & Order SVU (my favorite show) so it's okay.

This NaBloPoMo is challenging, because I don't really have anything exciting to say.

I went to the new Border's in Gig Harbor yesterday and bought myself a paperback. It's from the young adult section, so it was only $6.99. It's called tithe: a modern faerie tale by Holly Black. So far it's pretty good. I have the other two books checked out from the library already, and ready to be read. I'm kind of on a fantasy kick right now.

I have so much stuff I need to be working on right now. I really need to do laundry, and I want to clean my room, but I'm just so tired, and sore. I think I'm going to put it off until tomorrow (bad girl, Katie).

Ghosts of Disneyland

Many of my blog friends know that my 11 year old cousin Joe moved in with us this month. Latley he's been really interested in researching ghost stories online, and he wanted to guest blog to share some of his own ghost stories. Hope you enjoy!

Some of you may have heard of the ghost of MR. ONEWAY (the ghost of Space Mountain). I for one have seen him. He looks alot like my live brother but fat. Some may say he always disappears before the ride is over but, I sat next to him and he didn't disappear until after everybody got off. The ghost died by falling out of his cart right around 1994. So from that day on people have seen the ghost of ONEWAY.
The next ghost that I saw was the ghost of a teenager. The legand is a teenager stepped out of his little car type thing and died and has been known to tap you on your shoulder. Some people have seen the ghost sitting on the exit stairs. Now me and my friend both felt the ghost but thoght it was each other so when we got home we looked up ghosts of Disneyland. We finally found out it was a ghost so that knight we coudn't sleep.
The last ride that was haunted was Matterhorn. The legend is that a teenage girl on like a feildtrip to Disneyland wasn't wearing her seatbelt and fell out of her sled and was crushed to death by the next sled. Me and my friend felt like a jerk and felt like it was going to fall off the track. So me and my friend left the next day, So remember if you want to go to a haunted theme park go to Disneyland.

not much at all

Well, I don't have much to say about anything, I guess, but I figured I'd post a real post anyway. I caved into the peer pressure, and decided to do NaBloPoMo, since I basically write in my blog every day anyway. And even though I've already posted a blog entry today, I decided that it didn't count, because it was a payperpost post.

I went home from work early last night because my lower back was spasming. I was in a car accident several years ago, and every so often my back decides to act up. So at the moment I am laid up in bad, with a back massager working on my lower back, although I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting. We shall see. Next on my agenda is a Very Hot Bath. I'm hoping it helps.

Meanwhile, I'm using the time to get caught up on my Netflix. I'm presently watcing Fracture, with Ryan Gosling and Anthony Hopkins. So far so good. I took the rest of the She-Ra DVDs out of my queu, because as much as I loved them, there are only so many cartoons I can watch before I crave something more my speed.

I've begun researching for my big research paper in my Sexual Identity class. I'm doing the effect of HIV/AIDS on the gay and lesbian community. So far the research is pretty interesting. I'm liking my topic, so that's good.

I've been talking to a handful of guys through my eharmony misadventure, and there are two that I quite like so far, so we shall see. After Caleb I'm a little wary, but I've got my fingers crossed.

My mom, Chris and Joe have begun serious work on our kitchen/family room. They have spent this weekend ripping up carpet and laying down tile, and so far it looks really good. I think they should have it finished by the time Bryan comes home on the 12th. When it's done I'll post pictures.

I may be stuck working Thanksgiving after all. I am very NOT happy about this. Too much so to write about it now.

New layout is up. I think it's very pretty. How about you all?

I'm a bad girl.

So I'm typing this from my Introduction to Research class, because it's a five hour class that starts way too early in the morning, and I'm bored. So there. While my professor talks about creating questionnaires, I will update you all on my hellish week.

Monday after my internship hours I met Dana and Angela at Angela's house, and we drove up to Seattle for the concert. It was at the Showbox Sodo, and we had a really hard time finding the place because Dana was driving, and she didn't know that they had opened a new Showbox. I wasn't a huge fan of the new Showbox. The original Showbox is so pretty, with crazy chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The Showbox Sodo is a big room. That's ugly. So ambience left something to be desired. The first band, mewithoutyou, was amazing. They had the craziest dance moves, and the lead singer played the accordion, maracas, and a tamborine at varying times during their set. I was in love. Thrice was good, although during their set this girl on e kept rubbing up on strangers, so that was unpleasant. It was after Thrice finished that I began to show my age. I sat down for most of Brand New's set, and we ended up leaving a little bit early because this old lady had tired feet, an achy back, and wanted to go to bed. So I'm boring, don't take me to a concert where I can't sit down. Although, I might have had more fun if I knew the words to the songs.

Tuesday I worked, so that day was busy and boring.

Wednesday I had internship hours, with the agency Halloween party, so that was awesome. A couple of clients dresesd up. I loved it. After that I had class, but I ended up being late because I spent forever trying to print up my homework assignment. My teacher was not pleased with me, but hell, neither was I. I was exhausted when I went home, and I had run out of my medication two days before, so I was not really thinking clearly, and I was so tired and overwhelmed. So we went to a movie! We say Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D, which was really well done. I was surprised at how good it was. It was a really neat experience, and Joe loved it. I have a picture of him in his little 3D glasses.

Yesterday I ended up leaving my internship early because I had a big project due today, and I was feeling stressed. My mom ended up really having to help me with the project so I could get it done before we went out for Joe's birthday. She had picked up my meds, so that is good, but I was really out of sorts, and couldn't take it until right before bed. But the project is done, although I don't think I'm going to get the best grade on it. But c'est la vie. It's done, and that is the best I could do right now.

I'm readjusting to being on meds again, so I'm having some minor headaches. I can't wait until that goes away.

But next week I have no social engagements, so I am going to catch up on my self-care, for sure.

joe's birthday

Tonight Joe turned 11 years old, so a celebration was in order. We celebrated his birthday and our grandma's birthday both tonight, and we took them to Spaghetti Factory for dinner. Joe had fun, and really enjoyed the tech deck he got from my mom! He also really enjoyed his super cool birthday cake! I'm super tired, and have to finish a project for school tomorrow, but I'll leave you all with some birthday pictures.